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My daughters just brought me a shot and a beer…
“When this was over, all the Israelites who were there went to the cities in Judah. They crushed the sacred stones, cut down the poles dedicated to the goddess Asherah, and tore down the illegal places of worship and the altars throughout Judah, Benjamin, Ephraim, and Manasseh. The Israelites destroyed all of these things. Then all the Israelites returned to their own cities. Each person went to his own property.”
I guess I have to destroy religion? Or just temples and churches? Better do it all to be sure
No, you have to cut down any maypoles you find.
For extra credit, you can also enslave any virgins dancing around them but if they get preggers, you have to marry them. You can marry more than one, IIRC.
I’ll help!
Hmm … I got a page in Genesis. I need to start an argument with someone about the biblical fact that bats are birds.
I randomly opened it to the first page, and now I’ve created my own universe.
What am I supposed to do with this? It seems like a lot of trouble. I’m thinking that if I just ignore it, maybe it will go away.
Nice. You are now a god. But the bible says there is only one true God. So you and “God” must fight an epic battle to determine who that is.
Most importantly, give me a couple of weeks to option the film rights. We’ll also get you a three-book deal, and of course, some very cool merchandise.
The film residuals alone will set you up nicely for retirement. But the real
griftmoney will be made from fans paying you their 10% tithe for the rest of their lives.“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
A true Christian god we have here!
“Salt is good” the fuck am I supposed to do with that
Deut. 25:11 When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
“My wife grabbed my balls to bring me home when I was fighting a guy and now I’m making it law that she can’t”
2Then the Lord spoke his word to Elijah: 3“Leave here, turn east, and hide beside the Cherith River, which is east of the Jordan River. 4You can drink from the stream, and I’ve commanded ravens to feed you there.”
https://randombibleizer.spiffy.tech/
I’m either getting arrested for entering Israel, or dying of dysentery from drinking this dirty ass water.
Is your name Elijah?
The water probably wasn’t all that dirty back then.
That’s an interesting question. I haven’t really thought about it, but I did find this website. It’s only one source, but this is kinda what I expected.
https://www.insight.org/resources/article-library/individual/dirty-water-prohibition-and-the-bible
“For much of human history, whether because of humanity’s ignorance or inability to dispose of and treat sewage, or because of animal dung and rotting corpses in rivers and streams, water-borne pathogens such as cholera, dysentery, and malaria resulted in epidemics and mass deaths. The city of Ephesus, where Timothy lived and ministered, boasted a freshwater delivery and sewage removal system complete with aqueducts and terracotta pipes for distribution and disposal at sea. But, even with such sophisticated systems, water in ancient days was often infected with disease.”
This is why beer and wine is so prolific in the past, it removes the pathogens that create the diseases.
what is begatting ? do i begat or i am begatted ? or is it like a type of bread or something ?
I think it’s a car.
“Jackass, who was the son of Some Jackass, who was the son of Another Jackass, who was the son of…”
wth am I supposed to do with that?
Fall asleep to the Biblical Silmarillion ¯\(ツ)/¯
oh. glad I don’t have get someone knocked up and name the kid “YetAnotherJackass.”
Fuck around and spawn more jackasses like most people in history.
23:1 The burden of Tyre. Howl, ye ships of Tarshish; for it is laid waste, so that there is no house, no entering in: from the land of Chittim it is revealed to them.
