Some call it a friendship recession: a time when close male friendships sink to their lowest. Here’s how friendships for straight men fall to the wayside – and what could bring them together
I have had the same 15ish friends for more than 20 years and we live in different cities, a few hours away from each other.
We don’t see each other frequently because of the distance, but we usually spend weekends together and it feels like we have not missed a beat since the last time we saw each other.
I think it is natural to have more than 10 close friends, it is like having a small community, but modern life made it very hard to keep close friends like that. And it sucks.
Our friend group sits at around 17. It ebbs and flows with girl/boyfriends coming and going (though mostly all married now). I hate to say it, but the key is low standards. We don’t all agree on anything. We don’t all have the same hobbies or even sense of humor. But we don’t kick each other out over stupid fights, and everyone is always welcome at everything. If you cut people out when they don’t agree with you, or when they screw up, your friendships disappear. You just have to treat it like family.
“i can have a bbq with you” is not what i would call “close friends”. A close friend is someone i can bitch to about my personal problems and trust him not to pass any of it on. A close friend is someone on whose couch i could crash in an emergency with little to no questions asked.
From your description i would have thought more of the first category, but maybe i am wrong and you all stick it out for each other like that. In this case props to you all and i hope it lasts.
Yeah, I feel like their “close friends” in 1990 were probably just the guys at the Lodge or the bowling league. I’m not sure those relationships are any deeper than the parasocial relationships we form online. Just a bunch of guys with nothing else to do on Wednesday nights, so they just go down to some social club and roleplay.
I think I’ve got right around there where I’m living now; that’s part of what makes it hard to contemplate leaving the country, even though this place (US) is turning pretty terrifying: I know if I leave it’ll take years to build up friendships like that again, if it ever even happens.
Do “normal” people really have 10 or more close friends? I’ve never had that many close friends my entire life.
I have had the same 15ish friends for more than 20 years and we live in different cities, a few hours away from each other.
We don’t see each other frequently because of the distance, but we usually spend weekends together and it feels like we have not missed a beat since the last time we saw each other.
I think it is natural to have more than 10 close friends, it is like having a small community, but modern life made it very hard to keep close friends like that. And it sucks.
Our friend group sits at around 17. It ebbs and flows with girl/boyfriends coming and going (though mostly all married now). I hate to say it, but the key is low standards. We don’t all agree on anything. We don’t all have the same hobbies or even sense of humor. But we don’t kick each other out over stupid fights, and everyone is always welcome at everything. If you cut people out when they don’t agree with you, or when they screw up, your friendships disappear. You just have to treat it like family.
“i can have a bbq with you” is not what i would call “close friends”. A close friend is someone i can bitch to about my personal problems and trust him not to pass any of it on. A close friend is someone on whose couch i could crash in an emergency with little to no questions asked.
From your description i would have thought more of the first category, but maybe i am wrong and you all stick it out for each other like that. In this case props to you all and i hope it lasts.
That doesn’t sound like low standards to me, sounds sane and inviting
Yeah, I feel like their “close friends” in 1990 were probably just the guys at the Lodge or the bowling league. I’m not sure those relationships are any deeper than the parasocial relationships we form online. Just a bunch of guys with nothing else to do on Wednesday nights, so they just go down to some social club and roleplay.
Do you guys have friends?!
I think I’ve got right around there where I’m living now; that’s part of what makes it hard to contemplate leaving the country, even though this place (US) is turning pretty terrifying: I know if I leave it’ll take years to build up friendships like that again, if it ever even happens.
they do.
they also pay them money for sex.