I asked if my bf still had feelings for me and he answered with “sure lol”.
he has been pretty dry lately but says he doesn’t know why. just earlier i talked to him but he gave short responses, though he may be busy idk.
“how are you?”
“Busy.”
“oh ok, whatcha doing?”
“Was busy. Nothing.”
“are you available to talk?”
“Ok.”
“what’s wrong, you seem pretty dry.”
“Nothing.”
What are the ages here? It’s a much different situation if these are teenagers vs 40 year olds.
22m me, 21m him
Give him space for a day then sit down and have a talk to find out what’s on his mind. Something is bothering him - is it the relationship or something else?
Either way, the way he is responding here is disrespectful and he’s old enough to know better. It doesn’t take much to say “Hey babe, I need some space tonight to mentally unwind. I’ll hit you up tomorrow.” and his lack of either emotional intelligence or giving-a-single-damn is concerning.
Still, if it were me I’d focus on what’s causing his slump first, then once that it in the open (and if it’s nothing that would destroy the relationship), I’d have a discussion surrounding expectations for communication. In my past relationships we’d use “I need to burrito.” meaning that our emotional/mental energy is so low that we need to just wrap in blankets, eat snacks, and doom scroll for a few hours until we feel better. And the other partner gives space and picks up the slack until the slump is over.
A bit of give and take goes a long way, but communication is key.
we took a break for a few hours, he said his depression was getting to him. thanks so much! maybe he needs to burrito :))
I’m glad you were able to talk things out!
From my experience with a friend, this usually means they’re tired of you, don’t feel like talking, or just a mean person who doesn’t like you and is gonna ditch you. Hopefully, it’s the second. He also could be depressed.
“I like you but I don’t think I can deal with this anymore. I really don’t like talking to people and I can’t commit. I’m sorry. I’m not going to break up with you, I just don’t like talking.”
It’s 2
“i like you, but you wear me out.”
“i like you, but you wear me out.”
We do all wear out even our favorite people, occasionally.
I have adapted in a couple ways;
- Over time, I have grown more aware of my own habits and of my partner’s energy levels.
I like to think I tone myself down when appropriate, for them.
But I don’t ever let anyone tell me how to be. But I do like express myself in a way that makes my favorite person more comfortabe - particularly when they are feeling drained.
As long as I’m able to be my natural self most of the time, it works for me.
- Sometimes I just give them space. Anyone can be a lot, sometimes. Even me. And the way I can be my full self while they get a break from me, is for me to be my full self by myself fire a bit.
Sometimes even people who adore me need a break from me. I’ve learned to be okay with that.
A few people I liked have needed a “the rest of our lives” break from me. That’s okay, too. Their loss.
Most people want to hang out with me again sooner than that.
Unexpected bonus: I discovered that being comfortable being alone also made me more attractive to other people.
I gave myself space to become a comfortable happy loner. Then I grew into a leader when people started to ask to join in my hobbies or to go to events with me.
I should clarify here that I didn’t start a cult, or anything. I started a computer club, and I organize meet-ups to watch movies I like.
that’s awesome that you started a club!! we took a break and he was more affectionate towards me after, he said he was depressed and that I didn’t actually wear him out but he says stuff when he’s in a bad mood and that’s why he hurt me sometimes. he also said “I don’t wanna text you every day and every hour” but then he texted first :) yay!!
It sounds like a roundabout way of saying he wants out. “I don’t wanna hurt you by breaking up with you but I want out.” Also, saying you wear him out means he’s calling you exhausting.
