Update, my bf (21m) i (22m) talked to, and he just said “i dunno 🤷‍♂️” the whole time i spoke to him about our interests and such. and i told him i didn’t feel heard (he said ok) and “i dunno” every time i said anything he just said “i dunno”. and then i asked if he liked my interests and he didn’t know.

And then he said he seriously didn’t know and that he was sorry to make me feel that way, but that he was conflicted.

and i asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime and do our own thing and he said “idk maybe 🤷‍♂️”

  • 𞋴𝛂𝛋𝛆@lemmy.worldEnglish
    4·
    16 hours ago

    It is okay to not know. You’re still technically a kid, scientifically speaking. The prefrontal cortex plays a role in this kind of mental space, and that does not fully develop until age 25 in humans. That doesn’t mean you are a kid. Like puberty is sexual maturity on a purely physiological level. The extreme offset of sexual and cognitive maturity is likely how the species even exists. Even evolution knows reproduction is far more likely in those that can’t think clearly.

    I went through troubled times in my early twenties too with several relationship with people I was not very well matched with. That does not mean you are not well matched.

    One area you may grow a lot in the next 10+ years is your self awareness in several different contexts. The sexual tension of youth may blind you to the true diversity of human thought processes and interactions. For instance, I am an outlier for being so abstract in functional thought. I’m not very aware of my own emotions, like I do not think within that space by default. I must focus and mull over my thoughts for some time if I’m going to tell you how I really feel about something. I’m driven by curiosity and not any sense of narcissistic self interest. I know this is very different than how most people think and see the world. I’m aware of various other types of people and how to spot people that fundamentally do not understand my thought process. There is a lot more to this, but that is enough in a nutshell.

    I’m 40 but in a strange place due to becoming disabled at 29 while riding a bicycle to work. This is stuff I really started to learn about in my mid twenties until now. I found it deeply frustrating dealing with many people because I assumed I was somewhat normal and did not understand why others acted as they did. This dichotomous logic is a fallacy. People are a broad spectrum and no one is binary in some oversimplified right and wrong. Some people are more or less compatible. There is also a very large range of intelligence, and many types of intelligence at that. Everyone is a dumbass in some contexts and that is okay. It is okay to explore differences in a relationship and to figure out which ones are most important to you. It is also okay to ask yourself if you are the smartest person in any room you find yourself in and leave if the answer is yes and you feel held back by that. It is essential to listen to advice and know when to ignore it too. No one else can steer for you better than you.

  • nocturne@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    2·
    16 hours ago

    How long have you two been together? Have you discussed your transition? It may be time to move on.