• chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world
      105·
      2 years ago

      My parents did this all the time when I was growing up. They weren’t “talking shit,” but instead were saying things like, “he won’t stick with Tae Kwon Do” or “he won’t finish that model he wasted his allowance on.” Things like that. I gotta tell you, it fucked me up pretty bad. There were a lot of things that I gave up on because I figured “who cares?” I ended up becoming a massive introvert and learning to keep things to myself just so I wouldn’t possibly disappoint them. I’m better now, but it’s taken a long time of self evaluation and learning to find worth in things that I do just for myself.

  • TDCN@feddit.dk
    46·
    2 years ago

    I only had to listen to my parents verbally fight together for hours every single day/evening for about 3-4 years when I was a kid. That fucked me up pretty bad too and I’m so afraid of and anxious nowadays with my girlfriend and avoid all conflicts if I can and just pull me into myself when there are issues.

    • FrozenCorgi@lemmy.world
      15·
      2 years ago

      I don’t have the same background for it, but currently doing the exact same thing. Tiptoeing around eggshells to avoid conflict of any sort, retreating and agreeing at the slightest sign of friction. Recently started seeing a therapist that made me aware of how incredibly toxic and self-destructive this is. We both gotta be better, take care of yourself man.

    • Sippy Cup@lemmy.world
      6·
      2 years ago

      Yo, my wife struggles with this. Because I had the same issue with my parents fighting and now any time there’s a conflict I either shut down or fucking panic. She’ll get frustrated and literally just need some time and I’ll go in to survival mode, and generally make things worse. We’ve been together long enough to learn how to cope with that but it was pretty hairy for a little bit.

      Bro, get some therapy for that shit. Don’t let it set a coarse for your relationship.

      • TDCN@feddit.dk
        3·
        2 years ago

        Luckily I have the sweetest girlfriend who does not judge me or say bad things to me ever. We both have had our issues in the past and now we support eachother and it’s really nice. She now knows how I react and understands why and gives me some space. That have actually made me come out of my shell a bit and significantly reduced the anxiety whenever there’s a small disagreement. I’ve slowly learned that disagreement does not equal fighting, but can actually lead to interesting talks about what and why each of us like different things. I can still flinch inside a bit whenever there’s a small disagreement, but have slowly learned to talk about it instead of just locking it up. It has taken years however.

    • UnculturedSwine@lemmy.world
      331·
      2 years ago

      I realize you’re making a funny but I wanted to point out just in case anyone took this comment seriously, this is not how any of this works. Being positive about your child’s accomplishments doesn’t spoil them. It’s setting them up for false expectations that does it.

        • stevehobbes@lemm.ee
          131·
          2 years ago

          I don’t think you’ve got it here bub. All effort does deserve praise. If your kid tried their best in an audition and is a tree and they continue to try despite it not being what they want either, then you praise them for trying so hard to be an awesome tree.

          If your kid isn’t trying, you aren’t praising effort anyway.

          Maybe there’s 5 kids that excel at drama in their 1st grade class. Who knows why. But if they tried and are a tree, so be it.

            • BradleyUffner@lemmy.worldEnglish
              41·
              2 years ago

              If you have to explain your “joke” this much, then you should consider the fact that maybe it’s just not funny.

                • BradleyUffner@lemmy.worldEnglish
                  11·
                  2 years ago

                  Nah. I love crass jokes, but even after reading your 3 different attempts to explain it, I still don’t understand what you think is funny, or even what part of it you think is the punch line.

        • UnculturedSwine@lemmy.world
          31·
          2 years ago

          Wow, if you have kids, I hope you don’t treat them that way. You’ll be setting them up with the false expectation that their best isn’t good enough.

    • mriormro@lemmy.world
      141·
      2 years ago

      Every day more and more child development research shows that one of the worst things we can do to our children is discourage them when it comes to participation. Even in jest these sentiments only perpetuate harmful childrearing.

  • fleabomber@lemm.eeEnglish
    72·
    2 years ago

    Maybe they were just worried and in their own weird way it came from a place of love. I don’t know, but as my own failures pile up I just hope my kids know I’m trying.

  • TCB13@lemmy.worldEnglish
    318·
    2 years ago

    Entitled, self-serving and “nose up”, piece of shit person growing up in 3,2…

      • TCB13@lemmy.worldEnglish
        413·
        2 years ago

        Nobody, the OP seems like recipe for disaster, things needs their balance. We can’t just roll around and say that all kids are amazing, great, perfect and their accomplishments are the best thing in the world all the time. If we do that we end up with a society of dull, inept. unable to collaborate, deal with hardship people.

        I’m not saying you should psychologically obliterate children, I’m just saying they also need to be given bad feedback in honest ways and learn that the world isn’t all pink and participation medals.

        This image says it all: