I just really hate how my friends label me as a child, they are not 100% NT but way less autistic than me, yesterday she admitted they viewed me as a child, at first she stated that she viewed all of her peers as children since she felt she had more lived experience which is fine she can do whatever she wants. but then we met a new friend who she took a liking to and who she views as an adult, and recently on the way home our friend group got to talking about something and I asked something jokingly. She said rather seriously “Sky, there are some things that stay between adults” I reply I am legitimately a year older than you, she then said rather seriously not in any of the ways that matter. In general, there have been plenty of other times I felt like I was treated as a child, and generally, she and others have capped the level of closeness they have with me to protect me, which in practice only creates an environment where I do not have any close friends at all, I legit usually sob to myself in my room when and think about killing myself. I also understand I am a failure by most traditional metrics, no job, no car, no place, I have been trying to get a job for over 8 months, I wrecked my car 6 months ago, but I am not a fucking child.
I regularly feel like people pretend to be interested in what I am saying since I am being viewed a child and most people do not want to be mean to a child, I just feel like such a loser in general and I really hate the fact I am autistic which is 100% why this keeps happening.
I don’t have a solution. However, here’s suggestions.
Try to evaluate her actions and words as a reflection as to her own insecurities or immaturity. Try to assess if there is any thing you can say to her to get her to respect you the way you wish. This would likely involve setting clear personal boundaries. If not, then don’t be her friend, and spend time with people who you have better relationships with. You can also try to make new friends by joining activities you have genuine interest in. I’m guessing if you find people who share your values or interests, you’ll be happier.
Also, if you have some friends you like better, ask them directly if they view you as childish. Ask them to be specific and honest. There might be something easy you can do differently. Or they might not view you as childish at all.