I just really hate how my friends label me as a child, they are not 100% NT but way less autistic than me, yesterday she admitted they viewed me as a child, at first she stated that she viewed all of her peers as children since she felt she had more lived experience which is fine she can do whatever she wants. but then we met a new friend who she took a liking to and who she views as an adult, and recently on the way home our friend group got to talking about something and I asked something jokingly. She said rather seriously “Sky, there are some things that stay between adults” I reply I am legitimately a year older than you, she then said rather seriously not in any of the ways that matter. In general, there have been plenty of other times I felt like I was treated as a child, and generally, she and others have capped the level of closeness they have with me to protect me, which in practice only creates an environment where I do not have any close friends at all, I legit usually sob to myself in my room when and think about killing myself. I also understand I am a failure by most traditional metrics, no job, no car, no place, I have been trying to get a job for over 8 months, I wrecked my car 6 months ago, but I am not a fucking child.
I regularly feel like people pretend to be interested in what I am saying since I am being viewed a child and most people do not want to be mean to a child, I just feel like such a loser in general and I really hate the fact I am autistic which is 100% why this keeps happening.
she viewed all of her peers as children since she felt she had more lived experience which is fineThat’s not fine. Her lived experience doesn’t seem to be translating to maturity at a rate worth bragging about whether the claim is true or not. The foundation of any healthy relationship is respect. I think that whether you want to confront anyone about these events or not, you would benefit from seeking out mutually respectful relationships.
Consider whether her actions can really be caused by a fault of yours if she belittles almost everyone in the same way.
Having met a lot adults that just cannot handle responsibility I can confirm 100% that not all experience translates into wisdom.
I have also met kids that who have had to unfortunately become very wise very quick in order to meet the demands of their world.
No disagreements with your takes, just expanding on the notion. The friend that is disrespectful is wrong on multiple levels.
Why is this person your friend? Drop her, when people ask why be honest and say that you don’t like to hang with people who view me as a child.
I also understand I am a failure by most traditional metrics, no job, no car, no place
Who says that is metrics for success? job hunting is hard, capitalism sucks.
Who says that is metrics for success?
Society, unfortunately. I know that my worth as a human being is not defined by my net worth. In fact I actively push back against it. But it doesn’t change the reality of society as a whole choosing to look down on anyone that isn’t “productive” or “independent*”. And it’s fucking exhausting.
\*
I understand your frustrations and I hope you can find people who (100% honest) are more mature than that, and have a happier and more positive attitude.
This whole “I am so mature” alleged superiority vibe stinks of teenage insecurity. You can do better than that.
Wow. That’s an awful toxic way to view and talk to you and your friend should feel bad.
If someone does not treat you with respect you are not their friend, you are their pet.
It is no reflection on you at all, this is purely on them, but if they don’t respect you they are not treating you as an equal as they should be.
You deserve better.
A healthy relationship can include a difference of experience, knowledge, even power, but not respect. Respect is the bedrock of a good relationship and if you don’t have that you may need to look elsewhere. If you were not modelled self respect or taught it you would benefit from learning about it.
That all said, she sounds like she may just be compensating in some way, putting you down to elevate herself, but seriously you don’t have to take that. She could potentially change and stop this behaviour but she may persist and you may have no option but to get into a new friend ggroup and leave this one.
I don’t have a solution. However, here’s suggestions.
Try to evaluate her actions and words as a reflection as to her own insecurities or immaturity. Try to assess if there is any thing you can say to her to get her to respect you the way you wish. This would likely involve setting clear personal boundaries. If not, then don’t be her friend, and spend time with people who you have better relationships with. You can also try to make new friends by joining activities you have genuine interest in. I’m guessing if you find people who share your values or interests, you’ll be happier.
Also, if you have some friends you like better, ask them directly if they view you as childish. Ask them to be specific and honest. There might be something easy you can do differently. Or they might not view you as childish at all.
It seems to be that your “friend” is the one with problem. Not you.
As others have said, this is not the behavior that is indicative of healthy adult friendships.
You’re feelings are real, valid, and a way that your body is trying to inform you you don’t feel safe.
You’re not a loser. Living as an Autistic in an NT world is fucking rough. I would appreciate if you didn’t kill yourself.
capped the level of closeness they have with me to protect me
Did you ask for this? Your preferences are not theirs to decide if not.
My recommendation is trying to find and join communities that are more accepting. I have found ND and LGBTQ+ (even though I’m just a straight white guy) circles to be generally very accepting as they have had people be jerks to them and they are willing to accept and appreciate people for who they are.
