“like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” in reference to watching your ass.
My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:
“Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”
“I gotta piss like a race horse.”
“So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”
I once heard a coworker say: “if brains were gunpowder, they couldn’t blow their nose”.
A friend will occasionally say “that’ll make you take back shit you never stole”, which apparently means the thing (whatever he was talking about) was good.
“Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They’re out of Chicago, so I don’t think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I’m from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.
We have variants of those in northern England too. Shaking like a shitting dog and pissing like a police horse.
this is Lemmy’s finest thread to date
“How’re we gonna fuck this pig” is my favorite. Means “how are we going to start this unpleasant task”.
Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!
My wife’s old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said “it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue”
Talking about how many children she had “your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I’d get pregnant”
Grandma sounds like she could make a pirate blush :) I wanna be just like her when I grandma
“The Man on The Moon couldn’t see that!” (Still not sure what this means) “Tighter than a fish’s pussy” (Self-explanatory) “I was no more good” (I was shocked and surprised/amused) “Hand me that ‘little chicken’ over there, would you?” (Little Chicken replaces any and all nouns)
I once worked with a Dutch guy who would use the word “dinggus” (pronounced sort of like dingus, but without the emphasis on the g) in place of any English noun he didn’t know. Took me a couple of days to work out that it was a placeholder word and that it could refer to something different every time he used it rather than being a name for a specific thing
Could be „Dinges“ = thingy. Works similar in German.
I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao
My Grandfather- “I’m hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk”
I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, “it’s like going around your butthole to get to your elbow” – the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before. I realized then it was a southernism 😂
Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad’s old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain’t seen you in a coon’s age!
I have a pretty mild one that I’ve used all my life: “Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn’t do what he’d asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn’t really ease the angst of the situation…
“you look like 5 pounds of shit in a whore’s lunchbox”
“colder than a witches tittie in a brass bra”
One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent whore on a day raining dimes.”
One from my childhood in the south, would occasionally hear the adults say “my ___ hurts worse than a whore’s knees on nickel blowjob day”
American prudes discovered internet?
I don’t think you know what prude means. Judging other people’s cultures as less than theirs would be considered prudish.
Isn’t it ironic that you have no comprehension of the English language?
I see in a battle of wits you only come half prepared.
There was a battle? Lol. You better get back to school.