Research says involuntary celibate men make “fundamental errors” about what women want in a partner.

  • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I can see that. These guys don’t know how to date/flirt etc they didn’t have the same milestones others kids did. They should have learned when everyone in their cohort was learning. Imagine if you didn’t learn the fundamentals of any subject but had to keep going to harder and harder levels. End up with the dating mind of a 13 year old trying to deal with 23 year olds. Of course you need experience to get experience like a fucking zen riddle so they fall even further behind. Partners don’t want to deal with the awkward insanity of a boy in a man’s body.

    • Dashi@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      To be honest, dating 20+ is a shit show. The things i learned about dating in my teens didn’t help me dating in my 30’s. Sure they have issues dating but we all do. It’s the willingness to learn, adapt, and care for someone else that i don’t see in incels and that isn’t learned from dating in your teens. They seem to blame outside forces for their issues and not seek to improve themselves

      • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Well for me it made a big difference. I don’t think me and my wife would have stayed together had it not been for other woman I had dated prior. Learned how to have an argument, how to show random acts of kindness, gotten the nerve up to tell them when they are hurting you unintentionally, etc. This stuff didn’t come naturally to me.

      • endhits@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        You can only blame yourself so much before it causes so much emotional anguish that you turn your frustration outwards.

      • CulturedLout@lemmy.ca
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        1 year ago

        Try interacting with women without the expectation of an intimate relationship. And I don’t mean “be friends for a while with the end goal of getting with them”. I think a big issue is seeing women as an achievement instead of as people.

        • Cringe2793@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          The thing is women don’t want male friends as well. They are taught by society that men are all perverts and dangerous. So when men try to make friends, they’re automatically suspicious or just straight up reject them.

          • boogetyboo@aussie.zone
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            1 year ago

            What? Most women I know, including myself, have male friends. What are you on about? Are you doing a bit, per your username?

            • Cringe2793@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              Must you insult people when you reply? Is that really necessary? I’m not gonna reply anyore so don’t bother, since you seem to lack basic respect.

      • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I am not sure exactly what to advise, I imagine the longer you don’t do something about this the worst is going to get. So maybe be proactive?

    • SuperSpruce@lemmy.zip
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      1 year ago

      This is exactly my situation and it seems to get more dire every year that I stay single. I wish I could upvotes you a thousand times.

      • Augustiner@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Hey man, I had some of the same anxieties about being a late bloomer, never finding a girl, not knowing what to do if someone showed interest etc. This will probably not be new advice to you, but here we go:

        No matter how old you are, it‘s never too late to start things. Go out and have some fun, socialize with women, try dating, do hobbies with women involved etc. Invest in yourself, have a basic level of hygiene and dress socially acceptable. At some point you will find someone who is into you, and if you are open and up front about your lack of experience, they will probably overlook most of the early dating blunders.

        Just don’t go into it all with the expectation that something has to happen, or that if you do the right things someone has to be into you. It’s ok to fail, it’s ok to be awkward, you learn a lot from it.

        If you wanna talk privately about this stuff, shoot me a dm.