Language around trans people and gender has changed a lot since I started my journey, not always for the better IMHO. For context I am a trans man.
AMAB/AFAB comes to mind. I think these terms are highly inappropriate and reductive. Think “AFAB-run hair salon” (yes, this was a real thing… tell me this doesn’t give TERF energy)
However, I have noticed that a lot of nonbinary people introduce themselves in this way. (“I’m afab nonbinary” etc.) I don’t understand the logic of introducing yourself with the gender you were assigned at birth.
The way I think of it is, if I were nonbinary, then I am rejecting the gender that was assigned to me at birth, so why would I make that gender one of the first things I reveal about myself? This is an honest question; I really don’t mean any offence.
The other interesting pair are “transmasc” and “transfem”. In the past 2 years I have had to tell several people to stop referring to me as “transmasc”. I have never described myself as such and never will. It really pisses me off. People just assume that it’s OK to call someone that because it’s an “inclusive” term.
I feel like these terms are applicable only in the context of talking about medical transition pathways, irrespective of identity. But in social contexts, it doesn’t make sense. It feels like a superficially more polite version of AFAB/AMAB.
I have little in common with a nonbinary person who hasn’t and does not want to undergo any kind of medical intervention. So why lump us into the same category with a word like “transmasc”?
Maybe I’m going crazy, but it feels like people are trying so hard to tiptoe in their use of language that it circles right back to bioessentialism and calling people something based on the gender they were assigned at birth.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I misunderstanding something?
EDIT: if anyone feels that I can be more tactful with my phrasing of any of the above, then please let me know so I can fix it. I’m only after other people’s opinions and experiences to inform my own.
Transwoman here,
Can’t vouch for any of the non-binary issues but for AGAB/trans(wo)man stuff, I feel like those terms are actually useful depending on context.
If I’m talking about pre-transition experiences like childhood, my AGAB matters, for some medical matters, my AGAB also come again on the table, dating (with sexual intent) knowing that I am pre-op (and even post-op I still feel like it would stay relevant), my AGAB will matter to any potential partner.
Differenciating myself as a “transwoman” rather than just a “woman” is also important in some other context (like here) as, as much as I would love to I didn’t have an AFAB childhood, education, experiences until way later in life. I didn’t share the same struggles as they do (had a whole different set, though), so in any conversation about those topics, it matters a lot.
It also means I had to learn all the “womanly stuff” very late (like make-up, walking in heels, women’s fashion…) so this is also a “please don’t judge too harshly, I just started”. I also won’t experience a lot of AFAB experiences like menstruations, pregnancy, etc… so it also matters in conversations about those topics.
It is wildly innapropriate in a lot of other context though (your AFAB hair salon example comes to mind). And in a lot of situations I am a “woman” and not a “transwoman” as the distinction is unnecessary usually.
I hear you. I think in those contexts (health, dating) it is relevant but also conveyed by simply mentioning being trans, or that you have/don’t have a certain body part, or whatever.
Online registration forms are changing for the worse. They used to ask what your gender is, now they’re starting to ask what your “birth assigned sex” is, often without even asking about gender at all. This is also just counterproductive for whatever reason they’re asking this in the first place (if it’s even relevant); I am physiologically very different from a cis woman and my body runs on a male hormone profile. The way I see this is it’s people going “well trans people messed up the definition of gender, so I’m going to ask what was in their pants instead.”
The right way to do this is “what is your gender” and “does this align with the gender you were assigned at birth”? That captures way more useful information about the individual while also being more tactful.
Re this, I honestly reject the notion of an “AFAB childhood” entirely. I had the childhood of a trans guy, which is very different from the childhood of a cis girl. I think lumping them in together like that does more harm than good. I appreciate that my opinion on this is probably influenced by the fact that I figured myself out at a young age (11 or so, I am 28 now), so for me that terminology is straight up erasure. I have worked too hard in my life for too long to be the man that I am, for people to decide to lump me and my experiences in the same bucket as those of cis women and some nonbinary people. It isn’t accurate or informed.
I might have poorly expressed myself then, I didn’t say that I had an AMAB childhood either, but a different, trans specific one. This was more in opposition to a “normal (wish I could put more quotes here) cis-het” childhood than attempting to lump trans people with their AGAB.
By the way, I love your online form solution, pretty simple yet elegant and useful.