Language around trans people and gender has changed a lot since I started my journey, not always for the better IMHO. For context I am a trans man.
AMAB/AFAB comes to mind. I think these terms are highly inappropriate and reductive. Think “AFAB-run hair salon” (yes, this was a real thing… tell me this doesn’t give TERF energy)
However, I have noticed that a lot of nonbinary people introduce themselves in this way. (“I’m afab nonbinary” etc.) I don’t understand the logic of introducing yourself with the gender you were assigned at birth.
The way I think of it is, if I were nonbinary, then I am rejecting the gender that was assigned to me at birth, so why would I make that gender one of the first things I reveal about myself? This is an honest question; I really don’t mean any offence.
The other interesting pair are “transmasc” and “transfem”. In the past 2 years I have had to tell several people to stop referring to me as “transmasc”. I have never described myself as such and never will. It really pisses me off. People just assume that it’s OK to call someone that because it’s an “inclusive” term.
I feel like these terms are applicable only in the context of talking about medical transition pathways, irrespective of identity. But in social contexts, it doesn’t make sense. It feels like a superficially more polite version of AFAB/AMAB.
I have little in common with a nonbinary person who hasn’t and does not want to undergo any kind of medical intervention. So why lump us into the same category with a word like “transmasc”?
Maybe I’m going crazy, but it feels like people are trying so hard to tiptoe in their use of language that it circles right back to bioessentialism and calling people something based on the gender they were assigned at birth.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I misunderstanding something?
EDIT: if anyone feels that I can be more tactful with my phrasing of any of the above, then please let me know so I can fix it. I’m only after other people’s opinions and experiences to inform my own.
So, I’m going to share my own experience here. As far as AMAB/AFAB is concerned, I only see a point in using those terms when I’m talking about, say, what things were like for me growing up. As a clarifying point more than anything. I would only use those terms to describe pre-transition, and even then I feel like they’re superfluous unless someone doesn’t know I’m trans. I think your example of “AFAB-run hair salon” would piss me off royally (and actively does). The way it’s being used in that context implies transphobia to me. But I have no problem when those terms are used by trans or nonbinary folks to describe their experiences; it’s contextual for me. I can see what you’re referring to with nonbinary folks, but since I’m not nonbinary myself, I don’t tend to bud in for things like that. They can choose to refer to themselves how they want, and I’ll go with it.
Honestly, I’ve never viewed transmasc/transfem as terms related to medical transition, and wouldn’t ever use them to imply it. Perhaps I’m uninformed on why they’re related? For me, I just break them down by their namesakes. As someone who would identify as “transfem”, it just means to me that I am a feminine trans person. Though I’d often refer to myself as a trans woman instead (or y’know, just a woman, full stop). I think that it’s more inclusive purely in the respect that “transfem” doesn’t refer only to trans women, but also to other feminine gender identities that aren’t strictly “female”. After all, gender is a spectrum, and being trans can place you anywhere on that spectrum. While I’ve never seen it used this way, I think “transfem” (and by extension “transmasc”) is irrespective of one’s AGAB (i.e. someone AFAB who identifies as a feminine gender other than “female”). But again, just my own experience and thoughts on the matter. I’ve never thought someone referring to me as transfem was indicating anything about my desire to medically transition.
TL;DR: I only like AMAB/AFAB being used by trans and/or nonbinary folks who are using it to contextually refer to their experiences growing up, but I don’t have any problem with transmasc/transfem being used.