Language around trans people and gender has changed a lot since I started my journey, not always for the better IMHO. For context I am a trans man.
AMAB/AFAB comes to mind. I think these terms are highly inappropriate and reductive. Think “AFAB-run hair salon” (yes, this was a real thing… tell me this doesn’t give TERF energy)
However, I have noticed that a lot of nonbinary people introduce themselves in this way. (“I’m afab nonbinary” etc.) I don’t understand the logic of introducing yourself with the gender you were assigned at birth.
The way I think of it is, if I were nonbinary, then I am rejecting the gender that was assigned to me at birth, so why would I make that gender one of the first things I reveal about myself? This is an honest question; I really don’t mean any offence.
The other interesting pair are “transmasc” and “transfem”. In the past 2 years I have had to tell several people to stop referring to me as “transmasc”. I have never described myself as such and never will. It really pisses me off. People just assume that it’s OK to call someone that because it’s an “inclusive” term.
I feel like these terms are applicable only in the context of talking about medical transition pathways, irrespective of identity. But in social contexts, it doesn’t make sense. It feels like a superficially more polite version of AFAB/AMAB.
I have little in common with a nonbinary person who hasn’t and does not want to undergo any kind of medical intervention. So why lump us into the same category with a word like “transmasc”?
Maybe I’m going crazy, but it feels like people are trying so hard to tiptoe in their use of language that it circles right back to bioessentialism and calling people something based on the gender they were assigned at birth.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I misunderstanding something?
EDIT: if anyone feels that I can be more tactful with my phrasing of any of the above, then please let me know so I can fix it. I’m only after other people’s opinions and experiences to inform my own.
i am nonbinary, i prefer she/her but i use transfem and/or AMAB on my dating profiles because it is very helpful to who contacts me. also, i still dont put much thought into it. my contact with people who have thought about people that have discussed this with me are all on this thread right now. so, thanks fpr the opinions. I’ll consider ceasing usage of AMAB, but i like to express to men that i am different. its only because language is slippery, and my local culture that i use these terms. i’m in the south with not that many trans folks nearby.
usually my thing is if i want to vibe then they should just respect my pronouns. if its a random person, i could care less. people that i want to date, i try to indicate that im transfem because I’ll be honest, they care a lot about whether I’m going to be “femme” in some sense and they need to know to ask about what gender affirming care ive done, and i dont find that offensive.
love to yap, thanks for introducing this topic to me!