Language around trans people and gender has changed a lot since I started my journey, not always for the better IMHO. For context I am a trans man.
AMAB/AFAB comes to mind. I think these terms are highly inappropriate and reductive. Think “AFAB-run hair salon” (yes, this was a real thing… tell me this doesn’t give TERF energy)
However, I have noticed that a lot of nonbinary people introduce themselves in this way. (“I’m afab nonbinary” etc.) I don’t understand the logic of introducing yourself with the gender you were assigned at birth.
The way I think of it is, if I were nonbinary, then I am rejecting the gender that was assigned to me at birth, so why would I make that gender one of the first things I reveal about myself? This is an honest question; I really don’t mean any offence.
The other interesting pair are “transmasc” and “transfem”. In the past 2 years I have had to tell several people to stop referring to me as “transmasc”. I have never described myself as such and never will. It really pisses me off. People just assume that it’s OK to call someone that because it’s an “inclusive” term.
I feel like these terms are applicable only in the context of talking about medical transition pathways, irrespective of identity. But in social contexts, it doesn’t make sense. It feels like a superficially more polite version of AFAB/AMAB.
I have little in common with a nonbinary person who hasn’t and does not want to undergo any kind of medical intervention. So why lump us into the same category with a word like “transmasc”?
Maybe I’m going crazy, but it feels like people are trying so hard to tiptoe in their use of language that it circles right back to bioessentialism and calling people something based on the gender they were assigned at birth.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I misunderstanding something?
EDIT: if anyone feels that I can be more tactful with my phrasing of any of the above, then please let me know so I can fix it. I’m only after other people’s opinions and experiences to inform my own.
As a non-trans guy who grew up conservative, you are absolutely correct on the terminology being a bit sinister. To adopt these terms as an identity unto themselves is only doing trans acceptance harm.
Not saying being trans is bad, but adopting an identity that advertises it in a culture that’s basically already conservative fascism is basically putting a star of david on your own arm.
I don’t mean to say trans people should hide right now or ever, but creating a culture that openly says, “trans people are different than ‘normal’ genders” is basically feeding conservative propaganda when most people do not even understand how gender identity is different than observed sex organs.
Part of being accepted by ‘normies’ is demonstrating that gender is indeed a vital, perpetual, and not connected to sex organs part of peoples’ identity. By loudly advertising new terms and spinning up subcultures that have their own terminology is just … going a different path.
That should be fine, but again, conservative fascism is on the rise world wide. They hate anyone going a different path. Now, you should be able to go your own path and not get harassed, but that’s not the world we live in.
I think I’m talking about a certain paradox of tolerance… At some point, these conservatives need to be shut down lest they make every ‘other’ identity untolerated. Though the reality that we live in is that they are presently in charge and already doing horrible things.
On an interpersonal level, I think most people just want to be accepted. Creating support groups and subcultures is good, but going out and adorning yourself with things normies do not understand and conservatives openly mock is doing less for acceptance and more for finding out where the paradox of tolerance begins…
To state all that in a hopefully succinct way… Creating acceptance takes grabbing the wheel of the cultural zeitgeist. Going a different path that does not click with the present ‘normal’ is simply deciding to not grab the wheel. So which is it that someone is shooting for? Creating acceptance for themselves and their ingroups? Or going a different path because steering culture is difficult? I don’t think anyone should have to grab the wheel, but not doing so comes with consequences. Consequences that wandering off and advertising the “bad” parts only exacerbates.