Hello guys, I hope that you’re all doing well, I found out about this place through my friend, you might know him as Kirby so let’s just call him that. We all know that the internet is a wasteland as far as leftist spaces go and that’s the reason he was on this website for years in the first place.
As far as I know he was banned many months ago for some reason(he didn’t tell me, he just told he was banned and gave up on it), but since then he doesn’t have a leftist space to go since reddit pretty much purged those some time ago and the same thing on other social media, left is dead in real life here and not to mention constant western oriented content, comments and news, it got particularly intense lately.
During the recent events in the past few months, Kirby is on downward spiral and his sanity is worrying me. Almost every time we met he had unhinged rants about western white people, how he wants Yellowstone to explode and destroy United States after every non-western is evacuated, how he wants to watch cartels execute white Americans, especially republicans, how he personally wants to kill every western and western-aligned leader starting with American presidents and Erdogan and is cheering on NATO infighting over Greenland. Being a leftist, I also heavily dislike the west, but I wouldn’t want a nuclear war or volcanic cataclysm to take place because of it, he was always hating on west, but never said stuff this unhinged, stuff that I wrote isn’t even scratching the surface of everything he said. When he’s on PC and not on the internet, he’s playing GTA V and constantly killing cops and in the past few weeks downloaded probably every single game where you can kill American soldiers.
His most recent rant which I had to listen to was 3 days ago and it was about how ‘‘westerners destroyed/ruined Godzilla’’, it went on and on for an entire hour however unbelievable that sounds and it was… interesting to say the least… Certainly more so than his usual constant rants about vampires in western media. I’m not into Godzilla and I just casually watched a couple of movies some years ago and so I didn’t understand more than half the stuff he said.
He has a brother and sister, I’ve been hanging around with his brother almost just as much as with him during school and he’s pretty much the same in opinions except he’s level headed and doesn’t have bursts of anger. His older sister also shares same opinions, is extremely LGBT phobic, goes on rants and introduced him to Terrifier movies, so that’s all you need to know about her sanity. So family isn’t going to help in this in any way.
I know him since 2012, we grew up together and am extremely saddened to see him go from a silly guy with dark humor to this… Since he’s been here for years, you probably know how he was online unlike me, so please, If you have some advice or any way to help, to bring him back and talk to him, tell me, why did this happen to him all of a sudden.
Thank you in advance.
This is the most obvious alt I have ever seen lmao
The magical friend who shows up 14 hours after Kirby’s ban, no posts or comments beyond this one, and the same speech mannerisms
In my opinion, you are being intentionally obtuse and have the capability and resources to gather information, listen to others and come to your own conclusions.
You are being presented with multiple links to his comments, modlogs and various other inflammatory actions, yet you continuously deflect blame or debate on what is “homophobic” instead of looking at the obvious; calling those born outside of the social “sex binary” deformed and you don’t come to any conclusion of your own that there might be something beyond that? Specifically, beyond that train of thought?
Instead of coming to any conclusion with the evidence you have, you deflect blame onto his family and debate-pervert about what’s “Homophobic”?
Like come on.
If a person is spiraling, emotionally unstable and prone to saying extreme things that will likely lead to conflict and argument and could even attract unwanted attention from the feds, then perhaps this is not the right place for them at this point in time. We are a welcoming community and we try to help as best we can when someone is struggling but there are limits to what we can do. Online spaces are not a replacement for IRL community and IRL help, especially online spaces focused around discussing politics which are likely to exacerbate distress and anxiety. A certain amount of emotional stability is required to be able to have calm discussions, engage in self-reflection, and accept criticism without defensively lashing out. They are still free to lurk of course. You don’t necessarily need to actively engage with a site like this to get something valuable and educational out of it.
He never did anything illegal, but is definitely prone to anger. I’ve suggested it because he doesn’t have any community space left. The main thing is the fact that he doesn’t think that he needs help in the first place, as I said, his family is the way it is so there’s no way to do anything despite the fact that we’re close in real life. I really don’t know what to do at this point and that’s why I asked for advice.
“leftist” “Wants Yellowstone to explode” Do you mean blackstone or is it seriously yellowstone? Keep him away from posadism lmao
Yes, Yellowstone, the supervolacno
Kirby talked down to me while spouting men’s rights talking points and also denied ever saying anything transphobic in the same thread. Considering the fact that he didn’t tell you anything about his ban I doubt he has reflected even in the slightest about it. I am personally not comfortable having him back, because he seemed to take it upon himself to take over every thread at the time that was about queerness or sexism, choking out the possibility for anyone learning or understanding about them while at the same time making it unsafe for queer and femme comrades. Can you honestly tell me that he wouldn’t do that again?
There are a couple comrades on this thread who have said that they would be fine with having him back, and while I usually appreciate their analysis, I am a bit skeptical of their seriousness to combat transphobia as a result.
He didn’t mention it, but from my personal experience with him irl, he never had anything against LGBT, we had one gay classmate during school and he was completely cool with him, unlike his older sister. He’s definitely not sexist considering that he’s always advocating for gender equality and called males who I quote ‘‘don’t have a wife who is dominant’’ pussies so.
He never mentioned LGBT in one of his rants these past months and I confidently say that whatever opinions he had were definitely influenced by his older sister.
I’m sorry, but saying he wasn’t queerphobic around you does not address the issue when you were just presented with a litany of examples of a pattern of behavior over time. We don’t know you, we don’t know your ability to address or identify queerphobia, and we have experienced a very different person from the one you described as articulated in the many queerphobic things he has said that have been linked here.
It’s not that I don’t feel bad for someone having a mental crisis. It’s very serious and he should get help. But that’s also not a good reason to let him back into a community in which he has caused harm, especially when there’s no discernible proof of him having grown and learned from the harm he has caused.
I know him since 2012, he never had anything against people of different sexual orientation, even though that wasn’t a big thing here and was looked down upon when we went to school together, he himself is an asexual, so I can certainly say that unlike his sister, he was never homophobic.
This is the last time I will reply to you because it doesn’t seem like anything anyone is saying about his behavior is resonating with you. You believe he’s not, but we have provided proof that he is multiple times to the point that he became hostile. It shows a lack of respect for queer, trans, and intersex comrades for you to be repeatedly shown proof and then turn around and say he’s not. You didn’t write those words, we didn’t write those words, he did - and this is one of the last corners of the internet where we can exist without our existence being called into question with no consequences. If I recall, this isn’t the first time you’ve asked. I’m asking you to respect that he caused harm to this community and unless he does self-crit and grows (which he hasn’t), you shouldn’t expect him to be welcomed back.
I’ve just read it, he never even mentioned gay people, he was talking about his LGBT phobic family members and how there is 2 genders/sexes, so how exactly did you come to conclusion that he himself homophobic?
If that’s your conclusion then you were never equipped to have this conversation in the first place. I’m sure somebody will be willing to explain it to you, but I’m not.
Ok then, show me exactly where did he said something homophobic? I didn’t see where did he insult gay people.
Kirby went on several unhinged rants insulting other members of our communities and by the look of your post he has 1) not learned a fucking thing in the meantime and 2) is not sorry about his behavior, so personally I see no reason to unban
Agree. This space will not benefit him or other users, especially trans comrades, in his current state.
He needs to seek professional help. Remember, Lemmy, any kind of social media are not a way to address mental health problems. Months ago, I survived some mental health problems without discussing it even further, and softly and indirectly sought professional help to address some of my concerns.
The problem is that he doesn’t think he needs it in the first place.
i know this might be hard to hear and it might sound cruel, but if that’s the case the only thing that will force him to become aware of his need for help is, in fact, deteriorating conditions to the point where there is no other option but for him to become more self-aware. your job is not to tell him what he needs (people always have to help themselves first and foremost), but to support him as much as you can through that process. at best you can slightly nudge someone in the right direction. truly, best of luck to you
“Professional help” is never going to be a substitute for a community of like minded people and if these are your political opinions there’s like 2 forums where you are not going to feel like either you or everyone else in the world has gone insane
“Professional help” is never going to be a substitute for a community of like minded people
That’s true, but the question is, does he most need community right now or does he need more pointed help? Both would be ideal, but from the way the behavior is described, it sounds like there are major issues with regulating emotions and subsequent behavior. We are not, in my view, a tight-knit and physically close enough of a community to be able to deal with that kind of thing well, insofar as setting boundaries without excluding someone. Banning (temp or long term) is pretty much the forceful boundary setting option that is available.
Maybe I’m more sensitive to this kind of thing because I’ve dealt with people who are varying levels of immature in emotional regulation my whole life, but I’ll put it this way: this can’t be much of a community if some of the people here are chronically dysregulating and refuse to change their behavior in response to feedback. What happens in my experience in RL if that kind of thing is allowed to chronically recur without consequence, is people end up changing their behavior to “manage” the person who chronically dysregulates, rather than setting boundaries and forcing them to make a choice to either mature or be more at a distance.
To be clear, I’m not saying that the occasional rant and upset, or general expression of emotion, is dysregulation. Dysregulation might on some occasions have disagreement as to what qualifies as it, but I’d roughly consider it as “the person is not limiting themself” (and, when enabling behavior is in the mix, others present are not trying to limit them or create distance). Emotion and impulse become closer together, they may ruminate on shaky narratives that they haven’t thought through well at all, and as a result, their actions may seem more erratic or childish. Professionals have tools to try to help with this kind of thing, like grounding techniques, and are more equipped to take on a mentoring role in regulation without it turning into a co-dependent relationship. I wish we could brush that all away and live in a world where people are looked after and supported unconditionally, and as a result, a lot of these issues would probably exist a lot less. But for the time being, we have to work with conditions as they are and figure out how to create that world, not just wish it into existence via a mindset.
Hope that makes sense.
https://lemmygrad.ml/post/8402582/6779551
https://hexbear.net/comment/6302820
https://lemmygrad.ml/modlog?page=1&actionType=All&userId=113585
Kirby was banned for good reasons, and it’s probably not safe for trans users here to unban him directly without any signs of change.
If he has developed and is no longer likely to be shitty to people like before, there’s nothing stopping him from making a new account and blending back in.
He never mentioned LGBT in one of his rants these past months and I confidently say that whatever opinions he had were definitely influenced by his older sister.
Not that I don’t feel you, but I’m unsure how much help the community can be if he’s that unstable and doesn’t want to listen to diverging opinions. I know he’s probably in a tough situation economically and that’s why this is the second best bet, but he clearly needs professional help, not a communist forum. Just my two cents, though.
Maybe by having someone to talk to him who’s on the same page politically would help considering that especially in a few past months, it’s been rough and his condition worsened under these circumstances. I’m also for him getting any help, but the problem is that he doesn’t think he needs it in the first place. Not to mention his family members whom I mentioned who are either the same or far worse.
So your friend is an unhinged transphobe and people are talking about unbanning? Shouldn’t lemmygrad worry about it’s users here, especially our trans comrades, than to allow folks to spread hate?
Like sorry your friend is in a bad place but lemmy isn’t a therapists couch.
He didn’t mention anything about trans people, but his sister is extremely LGBT phobic while his mother has the same opinions so that was definitely influenced by them considering that he never had anything about LGBT folks in real life.
I’m the person who argued with Kirby last, the one who tried to get him to understand that his opinions on trans and intersex people are bigoted shit and he needs to change them. He (and his brother) were entirely unwilling to listen to me. Kirby’s first comment back after a month long temp ban was to jump right back in to his argument with me.
So I’m wary of him. However, if he promises to not make any comments about gender or sexuality and as long as he is not made a moderator, I would be quite ok with unbanning him. As long we’re all on the same page that further queer- or intersex-phobia will get him immediately banned again, I say go ahead and unban him
I agree. But what were his opinions on trans and intersex people? I completely missed that
Here’s a link to the exchange. There are a couple removed comments by Kirby, those should still be in the hexbear modlog probably, but I didn’t actually go looking for them, I think the thread is clear enough even with the missing comments.
Damn, it sucks that even in communist spaces us trans people’s existences are being debated
Yup! And calling people born with ambiguous genitalia “deformed” and saying they should be forced to undergo surgery to “correct” their genitals is so incredibly shitty. The ban was well-deserved, for sure
He didn’t mention anything about it, but his sister is extremely LGBT phobic so that was definitely influenced by her considering that he never had anything about LGBT folks in real life.
so that was definitely influenced by her
Oh cool, so Kirby only has bigoted beliefs because his sister has them. Is Kirby incapable of independent thought?
I also don’t care what Kirby told you about his ban. The inciting incident has been linked multiple times in this thread. There’s also a link to a separate thread in which he repeatedly doubles down on bigotry, on a different topic. You can read these for yourself and see the disgusting bigotry on display.
I’ve changed my mind about being ok with him coming back. I hadn’t realized him doubling down on bigotry was a pattern. Now that I see it is, no thanks.
Firstly, he didn’t tell me anything about it beyond the fact that he was banned and he didn’t mentioned it since because he most probably forgot about this website, don’t blame me for his doings, I didn’t know every detail about what he’s doing on social media. The only reason I came here to ask for help, advice or someone to talk to him because I ran out of options after the past few months and am saddened to see my friend whom I know since 2012 be in this situation.
He was never against towards people of different sexual orientation, even though that wasn’t a big thing here and was looked down upon when we went to school together, he himself is an asexual. So far from what I’ve read in comments, it was a matter of gender or sex and not the sexual orientation per see. I’m not a biologist or a doctor so I can’t say for sure, but since we’re from Eastern Europe/Balkans, people don’t care about this here at all, the consensus is that there’s male and female and then a person is either attracted to one, both or no one.
As for his sister, she’s openly hostile to LGBT and despises gay women and trans people in particular, same thing with his mother and his step father is a Muslim so it’s really a miracle that he isn’t LGBT phobic.
it’s really a miracle that he isn’t LGBT phobic.
He sure is queerphobic, in that he refuses to change the queerphobic beliefs he clearly holds.
I don’t know why you keep repeating this line as though it’s true. It isn’t.
He never had anything against gay people, unlike most of his family, so he isn’t.
A lot of racists have black friends
Your point?
oh, i remember him… i don’t remember why he was banned, but in comments seems that he probably was being venomously transphobic and kinda agressive. maybe he should be unbanned if he promises to behave
I agree. Although his idea of sex was questionable, a permanent ban is too long for a user who has made plenty of fine contributions; I think that five months is long enough for him to learn his lesson. I wouldn’t trust him with moderator privileges again, but as an ordinary user we should give him a second chance. Undo the ban.
He definitely deserves a respite from this. And from what I’ve read in reasons he was banned, I can say that even though he said all the stuff I stated and can be intense, he isn’t and was never transphobic nor LGBT phobic in general.
I don’t want this thread to turn into a fight, but I feel I have to address one piece of your comment here: yes, Kirby has some trans- and intersex-phobic beliefs. You are not in a position to say he doesn’t, when his own words show so clearly that he does.
Let me make a slightly broader point: people who are not themselves marginalized have huge blindspots about the marginalization they do not themselves experience.
As a white person, I’m sure I have blindspots regarding race, much as I’ve tried to learn and be better about racial issues than I was raised to be. If a comrade told me I had said something racist, the correct response from me isn’t “nuh-uh, I’m not a racist”, it’s “oops, I have some brainworms to unlearn, thanks for pointing that out to me”.
Same thing with Kirby here. He, his brother, and now you have all said “Kirby isn’t transphobic”. But he sure does have some trans- and intersex-phobic beliefs that he is apparently unwilling to examine.
Honestly, I’ve seen people get away with saying far, far worse things on other social media.
Just because people can be bigoted shitheads without consequence on other social media does not mean Lemmygrad should allow bigotry from its users!
In fact I would say it’s the opposite, Lemmygrad should (and almost always does) hold itself to a much, much higher standard than other social media, because as Marxist-Leninists we want our analysis to be correct and we want marginalized comrades to feel comfortable in this space. If queerphobia goes unchallenged here, queer people will leave. So I’m quite glad that queerphobia isn’t tolerated here.
(But I’m fine with Kirby being allowed to come back, as long as he is able to shut the fuck up about queer and intersex people. See my other comment in this thread)
I was not arguing that there should be no consequences for bigotry, only that a permanent ban might be a little too long in this case. Even so, I am tempted to delete my reply anyway because I’m embarrassed that I annoyed innocent people with my poorly thought out comment.
Especially Twitter, vile stuff is happening there since Elon Musk brought it a couple years back.
Kirbywithawhip?
I think the last few weeks in particular have been stressful.
I really liked him. We were online friends or at least friendly to one another. It’s a shame that he was banned from here.
I want them back.
Yes, that’s him, he was banned few months ago, I think in summer.
That’s great to hear, since New Year it’s been really rough for him so if he had someone to talk to and a safe space, he’d definitely feel better. If you can, ask whoever had a beef with him here to bring him.
Hey, could you give me their Discord handle?
I was a good friend with them.
freddy9853
It may definitely help him if you two reconnected.
Thank you so much! I really missed him.
