Somebody else pointed out that there is probably nothing you could say or do to change her mind, and I’m sorry to say that’s probably correct. She may or may not recognizes she’s being emotionally abusive, but the authority she has over you likely gives her a sense of power. Trying to control your emotions by getting a reaction out of you, or making you upset, or making you mask your own emotions to please her (ex:telling you that you’re not really feeling how you tell her you feel) gives her a sense of control.
You should know it’s very pathetic behavior on her part, but you shouldn’t waste your own time and energy trying to change her, or trying to get back at her by saying something mean to hurt her (even though that’s exactly what she’s priming you to do, and probably what her own parents did to her).
There is a good chance that one day you’re going to realize it’s just not worth the hassle and stress to have somebody so negative and toxic in your life. You’re stuck with her now because she brought you into this world. You had no say in the matter.
That’s what makes her obligated to you, (legally at least until you’re able to take care of yourself, morally forever because you’re always going to be her child that she brought into this world). Her job is to be your mother and accept you as her child.
Your job is to learn who you are and grow into yourself. That’s it. You have no other obligation. She might have put a roof over your head and kept you alive, but that’s literally bare minimum for every parent. It sounds like her idea of “value” is just doing her bare minimum obligation.
She might not realize it until the day she finds herself alone and longing to have you in her life, but one day it will be your choice, (not your obligation), to decide if you want any relationship or contact with her. She may currently have power and control over you, but she doesn’t seem to have much value.
You might want to consider just not bothering to share your feelings and emotions with her anymore. Just talk to her like you would an acquaintance or a customer at work. No need for hostility or being rude, but also no need to make yourself vulnerable to somebody who refuses to respect you.
You can’t control her being abusive and crazy. All you can control is your own reaction (and doing so will probably piss her off more than any hurtful thing you could ever say to her). She can be as mean and crazy as she wants, but just try to let it roll of your back and keep yourself neutral in whatever interactions you have. Minimize your time with her until you’re able to move out.
I’m sorry she sucks and you deserve better. Maybe someday she can work on herself, and learn to be the kind of mother you deserve. Maybe she can apologize to you and you can forgive her and start a new chapter. If not it’s her loss and you shouldn’t let the opinion of a vindictive crazy woman make you question your own value.
Learn from her mistakes, and make it your goal to try and be the kind of person you needed around when you were growing up.
Somebody else pointed out that there is probably nothing you could say or do to change her mind, and I’m sorry to say that’s probably correct. She may or may not recognizes she’s being emotionally abusive, but the authority she has over you likely gives her a sense of power. Trying to control your emotions by getting a reaction out of you, or making you upset, or making you mask your own emotions to please her (ex:telling you that you’re not really feeling how you tell her you feel) gives her a sense of control.
You should know it’s very pathetic behavior on her part, but you shouldn’t waste your own time and energy trying to change her, or trying to get back at her by saying something mean to hurt her (even though that’s exactly what she’s priming you to do, and probably what her own parents did to her).
There is a good chance that one day you’re going to realize it’s just not worth the hassle and stress to have somebody so negative and toxic in your life. You’re stuck with her now because she brought you into this world. You had no say in the matter.
That’s what makes her obligated to you, (legally at least until you’re able to take care of yourself, morally forever because you’re always going to be her child that she brought into this world). Her job is to be your mother and accept you as her child.
Your job is to learn who you are and grow into yourself. That’s it. You have no other obligation. She might have put a roof over your head and kept you alive, but that’s literally bare minimum for every parent. It sounds like her idea of “value” is just doing her bare minimum obligation.
She might not realize it until the day she finds herself alone and longing to have you in her life, but one day it will be your choice, (not your obligation), to decide if you want any relationship or contact with her. She may currently have power and control over you, but she doesn’t seem to have much value.
You might want to consider just not bothering to share your feelings and emotions with her anymore. Just talk to her like you would an acquaintance or a customer at work. No need for hostility or being rude, but also no need to make yourself vulnerable to somebody who refuses to respect you.
You can’t control her being abusive and crazy. All you can control is your own reaction (and doing so will probably piss her off more than any hurtful thing you could ever say to her). She can be as mean and crazy as she wants, but just try to let it roll of your back and keep yourself neutral in whatever interactions you have. Minimize your time with her until you’re able to move out.
I’m sorry she sucks and you deserve better. Maybe someday she can work on herself, and learn to be the kind of mother you deserve. Maybe she can apologize to you and you can forgive her and start a new chapter. If not it’s her loss and you shouldn’t let the opinion of a vindictive crazy woman make you question your own value.
Learn from her mistakes, and make it your goal to try and be the kind of person you needed around when you were growing up.