My wife and I have four kids. I’m speaking with a thousand yard stare here.

First of all, having kids is BY FAR the best thing that ever happened to me.

But it didn’t feel that way in the beginning.

I won’t use “you”, but “I”. I can’t guarantee that my experience will be mirrored by you. But I can say that the fathers I know well enough to have open conversations with on this topic broadly agree with this.

It’s great you’re asking these questions. You’ll no doubt get lots of good answers. So I won’t pile on.

But I wish to tell you something I completely didn’t understand.

The first year of the first kid is HARD. It’s hard for mummy; even harder if she’s breastfeeding.

But it will be super hard for you too. Because everyone will just expect you to be “supportive daddy” and buck up. Meanwhile you’ll be going through your own journey. Your journey isn’t visible. Your stomach isn’t contracting. Your weight isn’t shifting (well, only by reaching for easy meal options at least) and (if mummy is breastfeeding) you’re not the one with sore nipples or mastitis.

There were times when I quietly, in the dark, trying to lull baby to sleep, asked myself “what have I done?” … “is this my life now?!”

I felt I completely disappeared. My end credits had rolled. I was a supporting actor in somebody else’s film.

And the crucial experience I missed was this: It doesn’t last long.

But man it felt endless. I felt utterly worn out and with no “tour of duty” end date ahead.

It’s over before it even begins. Each day today is the hardest day you’ll do on this. Tomorrow will be easier. Next week easier than that. In a month even easier.

And gradually, slowly, I returned. “I” became an entity again. I had time do something for me.

What I wished someone had told me was this very thing: It won’t be long. It’s hard but it’ll be much easier soon.

Enjoy it! Kids are just the very best thing you’ll ever do. (But only after a while).