Congratulations! It’s an exciting time and they are such marvellous little creatures. Here are some random thoughts that may be useful

Pregnancy

• Everyone’s pregnancy is different, so listen to your wife above all, but here are some things we dealt with that are not terribly uncommon:
  • First trimester: nausea, tastes in food changing, scents being particularly offensive. Which tastes and scents worked and which were offensive changing on a daily basis. Have a “clean room” and some kind of array of candles or air fresheners to rotate through, when the dinner that sounded great in the morning is suddenly stomach turning as it is being prepped
  • Second trimester: the easiest in some respects, but here is when the mental load, in the form of anxiety, stress, and depression really started to set in. Be prepared to shoulder as much of the emotional burden as you can carry. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family
  • Third trimester: The peak of the physical discomfort. Moving is hard. Breathing is hard. Every day feels like running a marathon. Minimise the amount of moving your wife has to do

Delivery

• Most hospitals / maternity wards offer tours. If you are planning a hospital birth, going in the week before to see the place helped reduce a lot of the anxiety when the time finally came. They can’t be scheduled far in advance because it depends on how busy they are, so keep checking

• Familiarise yourself with the physical details of the birth process. We read through “The Birth Partner” (Simkin and Cheney) together in the preceding months. There is one chapter where they subtly endorse some pseudoscience, but if you can skip over that when you run into it, we found it very informative and helpful about what to expect.

• The event itself is exciting, but overwhelming. Again, your wife will be entirely consumed by managing the physical demands. You can help by taking care of the logistical and emotional demands. Advocate for her. The staff are on the same team as you, but you are the only one with the brain space to ensure that the decisions your wife wants for the birth are being kept in mind.

Newborn

• The first 2-3 weeks are the hardest. You’re adjusting, and the baby is adjusting, and all three of you will have to figure out how to make it work. I hope you are in a place where you can all take time off work. We were lucky in that we were able to breastfeed without too many issues, but regardless if it works the same for you or not, those early days must be a team effort. My wife fed, I did the diapers, and we all woke up together.

• Early on, we ran into some pretty difficult nights where the baby just would not sleep. It turned out she was not getting enough breast milk. Once we started adding some formula, she went right back to sleep. We did this until my wife’s supply increased, which is a fairly common pattern.

• I don’t know why I didn’t expect this, but newborns generally dislike the experience of getting their diapers changed. It will be a fight for a little while. I say this because, if they ever stop crying while you are in the middle of one, duck and cover. That means they are about ready for part two. And it can come with some force. Those little changing mats do not cover nearly enough. We had to put down an extra layer of paper towels along the whole “trajectory”. (This does calm down eventually)

• Babies are demanding. It is rewarding, but there will be exhausting days. Early on, my wife and I devised a system where we each get one day a week that we have “off” from the baby, barring emergencies. I can’t overstate how much of a difference having that one “recharge” day makes in managing the stress, it has been extremely helpful.

Things we got that have been worth their weight in gold:

• Convertible car seat / stroller–we are using the Doona brand and it has been incredible
• Big pack of burp cloths. These need to be within arm’s reach in every room in the house
• Dedicated diaper changing station with diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, and a burp cloth in drawers within arm’s reach
• Bassinet that can swing over the bed for easy feeding
• A velcro swaddle. Most are too big for newborns, but as soon as they can fit in, it is way easier than trying to do the origami with the blanket. Babies always beat origami

Things we got that really weren’t as important as we thought they were going to be

• Two diaper bags, one would have been more than sufficient
• A diaper caddy for around the house. As opposed to spit-ups, diapers generally are leisurely enough for you to make your way to your diaper changing station, so it was not incredibly helpful to have extras within arm’s reach
• Postpartum cart with snacks and supplies for my wife. Nice idea, just didn’t end up using it much

I know that looks like a lot, but it’s really not bad, because most of it is extra, conveniences and nice-to-have things. As long as you have food, diapers, and a safe place for the baby to sleep, all of that other stuff can be figured out on the go, and you will figure it out as you find what works for you. And the love and joy that come with the baby are indescribable. The rewards are there, and they eclipse the challenges.

You can do this, and it will be wonderful!