I always hear about the benefits of forgiveness, but that almost seems always like the worst choice.
I had a shitty family with mother that was manipulative which led me to being depressed for more than 4 years, while trying to forgive her and my sisters.
I finally took the decision to stop trying to forgive them and stopped talking and contacting them(since more than a month ago) and my mood and mind had never been better. I was even surprised about the speed depression left me since then.
My point is, forgiveness is a very bad choice.
Even Tit for Tat would agree with my opinion here.
Forgiveness can only occur after the end of the attack. If she was continuing to harm you throughout those 4 years, you simply could not forgive her. Forgiveness is not an action, it is the process of reaching a state where you simply don’t care that you were wronged anymore. It’s the healing of the mental trauma the injury incurred, if any.
It’s great you escaped the abuse but it will still weigh on you to some degree until you reach that state. That doesn’t mean reinviting her into your life, just reaching a place where the memory of injuries is information rather than an emotional trigger.