(Washington DC) As the government reopens, the White House is reminding Americans to reduce their taxes next year by 12%, to represent the 43 days the government was closed in 2025. “Really, it should be more, but we have to keep it honest,” said Trump in remarks as he golfed at his New Jersey golf course, presumably relaxing from his golfing trip to Mar a Lago during the shut down.

Press Secretary Karoline Leavett clarified to reporters that trump meant he wished he could give a discount, but the actions of the Democrats would not permit a reduction in taxes. “Every American has been let down by them,” she stated, in remarks that were interrupted by tweets from trump, stating that taxes would be 15% less, to celebrate the ending of some tariffs.

All the confusion has left IRS and Treasury Department staff - those remaining after the shut down - confused on how to proceed collecting taxes or funding the government. Staff at both agencies suggest Americans should use the saving to invest in homes in other countries.

But many ordinary Americans consider this to be a good sign of things to come. Leo Sturbgetter, a Seattle-based co-detangler, said, “I don’t pay a lot of taxes, but I’m glad we don’t have to pay for all those people who didn’t work. All them bureaucrats is like a steering wheel on a car… you can let go for a little while, nothing bad will happen. I’m just glad my food stamps are back.”