(Washington DC) On Saturday, a muddy and clearly disheveled donald trump announced to reporters that there was not a secret hoard of gold under the White House East Wing. “We looked everywhere,” said trump. “I had Eric and… and the other one… looking everywhere with shovels. It’s not there.”

Trump has leveled the East Wing of the White House, purportedly to build a new ballroom paid for by donor funds. The demolition was completed last week. Construction is planned to begin soon, according to White House sources.

Trump vows to locate the hidden gold, citing a map he found behind Jackson’s painting in the White House. “Jackson was a wily one, I give him that. Maybe the map was upside down. That’s okay… that’s okay… because we’re now planning a second ballroom, which will take up some portion of the West Wing of the White House.”