I know opinions on this vary a lot depending on the country and culture, so I’m curious what others think. Personally, I have a 22-year-old son. I bought him a house and a car, I pay for his university tuition (his grades are high enough for a state-subsidized spot, but we feel that should go to someone more in need), and I basically support him fully. We want him to focus on his studies and enjoy this stage of his life. He will finish his dentistry degree in 2028, and then we plan to finance the opening of his private practice. We’ll stop providing financial support once he’s earning enough to live comfortably on his own. I see many parents online (especially in North America) talking about kids moving out at 18, paying rent to live at home, and covering their own bills, and it honestly shocks me. That feels unfathomable to me. I believe that as parents, we have a duty to give our children a good life since we brought them into this world.
Well, I view money as a means to an end, not an end in itself. I don’t believe money or material possessions provide innate fulfillment. If I were a billionaire with unlimited money, I’d absolutely want him to just enjoy life doing whatever he wanted. This idea that struggle is necessary for fulfillment or personal growth has never made sense to me. With freedom and resources, there are countless skills, passions, and pursuits that could bring purpose and joy.
That has nothing to do with the push back you’re seeing.
This here, the personal growth bit.
At some point in your child’s life, you will not be there as a safety net when something serious happens. If you are incredibly wealthy, make good investments, and have an abundance of time, then you may be able to reduce that to coming when you die. Or it may be something outside of personal control, like a serious health issue that can’t be solved by tossing money at it for better care.
The longer they go without having to navigate a serious situation like that, the less prepared they will be.
This isn’t just “gut feeling” shit. You can find text on the importance of allowing failure and natural consequences in early childhood education books, parenting books, even some management books. Studies have been done.
Edit: Reading some of your other responses, it sounds like while you’re providing, you also haven’t just let your kid coast on by just on your support, and have made sure they’re still oearning life skills. Don’t get me wrong, the first big life problem will still hit them hard, but it sounds like you’re doing what you can to help them be prepared to navigate it.
Unfortunately, I’m used to seeing the big monetary support be tied with not giving much support to the kid otherwise. Glad to hear that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
There are levels of support and none are inherently bad. It’s up to the parents to raise the child right and the child to use the opportunities to reach greater heights than their parents.
You would have been more prepared for problems had your parents dropped you off on the streets of a city when you were 15.
My parents died when I was young. That gave me survival focus. Decades ago I had a coworker with similar childhood where his parents were teachers but his parents didn’t die. His parents support allowed him to be more successful at a younger age than me.
The entire premise of education is that you get to stand on the shoulders of giants instead of being thrown alone in a mud hut and figure out everything yourself.