Since the start of puberty I shut myself in my room, mostly only to come out for school/work and for visiting my father every second weekend because my parents are divorced.
A bit over two years ago I realized I was trans, but I could still live like that, being in my room most of the time. After starting HRT I began to feel lonely and feeling the need for friends, which I didn’t feel before.
Now, at around three months after starting HRT I feel like I die if I continue to not have any social contacts and already harmed myself because of the loneliness. At least everyone who knows me is supportive and I managed to talk to my mother that we do more together like walking, but it didn’t really help with the loneliness.
I have no idea how to make friends. I don’t talk much, partly because I hate my voice, but also because it is difficult for me to find words and things to talk about and I can’t say anything when I am in a group of more than a few people.
I don’t really expect helpful advice here but anything would be appreciated. I mostly just wanted to write that all down.
Thank you very much. I already go out walking together with my mom, I added that in the post. I don’t really like to do things alone. I dressed in clothes I am comfortable in since almost two years, even in public.
I don’t know about the No Kings protest. Is it in the USA? I live in Germany
Hi again, Kiara! I’m so embarrassed that I just assumed you live in the USA. I’m not a very smart guy, let’s just put it at that. And I’m glad you’re dressing comfortably in the way you want for two years now. I’m just catching up with all the posts in this thread and I’m glad to see the interaction with others here.
I’m not sure if this is a good idea, but would it be helpful to get on a dating app for the purpose of meeting others, and perhaps individuals that might be compatible with your fine qualities? (Somebody, please jump in if I’m giving dumb advice - thank you!)
I also wonder if there are events in your area that are trans-friendly.
Thank you, I will try it
No Kings is in the US but there may be something similar in Germany. Avoid going to any right-wing rallies, lol!
Even just doing grocery shopping can give you practice using your voice so that when it comes to making real conversation with potential friends you’ll have one less thing to feel awkward about and can concentrate on bringing your thoughts together.
If you’re not already, try using voice training, there’s several available online options. Or you might find an in-person teacher in your area.
Remember, other people are going to be much less judgemental about your voice than you are to yourself. You don’t go around hearing strangers and thinking “I hate their voice,” do you?
My whole conversation while grocery shopping is mostly “Hello”, “with card” and “thank you, bye”, so it’s not much.
For voice training I would need to speak more, I don’t think the few words I say per day are enough and I just can’t speak out loud when there’s no one to have a conversation with.
It’s not about others hating my voice, but me hating my voice. I hate it when I get called over MS Teams at work and after I say “hello” I have to explain that I really am Kiara, even though my name stands under my profile picture, because my voice just doesn’t fit. It happens every single time when I get called by someone I didn’t talk to before