Since the start of puberty I shut myself in my room, mostly only to come out for school/work and for visiting my father every second weekend because my parents are divorced.
A bit over two years ago I realized I was trans, but I could still live like that, being in my room most of the time. After starting HRT I began to feel lonely and feeling the need for friends, which I didn’t feel before.
Now, at around three months after starting HRT I feel like I die if I continue to not have any social contacts and already harmed myself because of the loneliness. At least everyone who knows me is supportive and I managed to talk to my mother that we do more together like walking, but it didn’t really help with the loneliness.
I have no idea how to make friends. I don’t talk much, partly because I hate my voice, but also because it is difficult for me to find words and things to talk about and I can’t say anything when I am in a group of more than a few people.
I don’t really expect helpful advice here but anything would be appreciated. I mostly just wanted to write that all down.
My whole conversation while grocery shopping is mostly “Hello”, “with card” and “thank you, bye”, so it’s not much.
For voice training I would need to speak more, I don’t think the few words I say per day are enough and I just can’t speak out loud when there’s no one to have a conversation with.
It’s not about others hating my voice, but me hating my voice. I hate it when I get called over MS Teams at work and after I say “hello” I have to explain that I really am Kiara, even though my name stands under my profile picture, because my voice just doesn’t fit. It happens every single time when I get called by someone I didn’t talk to before