I bet this sounds like a stupid question - especially coming from a man. However, NoStupidQuestions doesn’t allow NSFW topics, so here I am - bear with me.
I genuinely don’t know what this feels like from the inside. I see so many men go to extreme lengths to chase women - sometimes even risking their careers or relationships just to get laid. Some are literally willing to pay for it. I don’t get it. What does that pull actually feel like?
I’m not judging - I’m trying to understand. I only know what it looks like from the outside, but I have no idea what it’s like on the inside. I’ve had sex multiple times, and it’s fine, but it seems vastly overrated to me. Clearly, I’m not getting out of it what most other men are, so I’m trying to understand the baseline experience.
My motivation for asking is that I’m working on myself and hoping that, eventually, I’ll be able to feel even a fraction of that same pull. However, with things like lifting weights, I at least have a clear image in mind of what I’m working toward - but it’s harder to define that when it comes to subjective experiences.
Yeah, it is an odd combination to be sure. One thing we haven’t talked too much about is the emotional nature of sex. When you get down to it, urges, orgasms, dopamine rushes, those are all the biological components of sex and you’re right, it can be accomplished solo.
The emotional side however is completely different. If you see sex with another as a chore, it does kind of imply you’re lacking the emotional side of the equation, or don’t enjoy intimacy. Do you like kissing or do you see that as gross? Could be more going on here than just yout libido. Maybe that’s what you should focus on and the rest might come in time?
Her orgasm has always been the goal for me - not my own pleasure. I’ve just struggled to enjoy sex because I’m too stuck in my head, focused on pleasing her. That inevitably leads to performance anxiety, which then causes all the usual physical issues - trying not to finish too early, or struggling to get or stay hard. Those bad experiences create a negative feedback loop that eventually makes me resent the whole thing. Ironically, if I’d just been a bit more “selfish” about it, we both probably would’ve enjoyed it more. I’ve just been trying too hard.
There’s also a mismatch between what’s expected of me as a man and what I actually enjoy. I’m not particularly dominant, and being “on top” doesn’t always feel like my place. If I were with a more dominant woman - or a man - it might flip the dynamic entirely. Right now, I just feel like I’m “forced” to play a role I’m not comfortable with. I’ve even started considering dating a guy, just to see if it would feel different. I’m not sure I can develop romantic feelings for a man, but the fact that I’m even open to the idea probably says something.