When I was about 11 years old, I was in fifth grade and I knew some eighth graders. Well, the following year, I was 12 and they were freshmen. I started to hang out with them and I was like the “little sister” (I’m AFAB genderfluid now) of the group.
They got into alcohol from one of the freshmen’s brother and they would offer me some whenever we hung out. Curiosity got the better of me, and sure enough, I was drinking pretty much every time we hung out.
Eventually, my parents found out, I quit the drinking altogether and I never hung out with those people again.
I am quite proud of myself, I haven’t had a drink since I was twelve, actually. But I have heard that drinking alcohol can decrease your performance in things so yeah.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but …
It’s impossible to meaningfully compare the actual you to an imaginary version of yourself.
The only meaningful thing you can do is reflect on whether, with the resources available to you, you can be better at the things you want to be better at.