Hi, so I could use some help. I really like my girlfriend and I want to show my love and make her feel special, but I don’t know how to do it without going into “obsessive” territory. I’ve loved her for two years and every day with her is great, but I don’t know what to do since I feel more obsessed every day.
Have you tried surprising her with shrine made out of her hair and nail clippings? :>
Haha but seriously there’s no one size fits all way to do this. Just talk to her and listen to her. She’ll let you know how she wants to be loved.
Focus less on expressing yourself, and more on what makes her happy. This post is mostly about you - your feelings, and what you want. You’ve given us no information about your girlfriend, and I think that’s indicative of your current mindset. Flip it on its head, and make her feelings the focus instead of your own.
She’s not just your girlfriend, she’s her own, unique person - If you truly listen to her wants and needs and preferences instead of just taking generic advice about “girlfriends”, that’ll make her feel much more special than anything else you can do.
Ask her how her day is, give her time to respond, and listen to her answer.
Also, just empathize. Don’t try and ‘solve’ any of the issues, or say ‘well if it were me, I would have…’
I still make those mistakes and I’ve been married almost a decade.
I second this. If you’re busy and she comes in to talk or rant, stop what you’re doing and look at her and listen. Your face will show her that you’re listening intently.
The 5 love languages can be helpful even if it is pseudoscience. The core idea of loving your partner the way THEY appreciate is valid.
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Simple. Sense ever relationship and every person is different.
Ask them. That’s it.
Ask her girl friends and female relatives. Just the fact you asked them will win you points.
Learn her “love language” (more accurately, it could be called “appreciation language”). That way when you’re trying to show you appreciate her, it will be in the way(s) she’s best able to receive it. Often gestures not in the right language aren’t interpreted as appreciation.
As a guy, this always feels like a hard question, because you can never fully predict anyone’s response to anything.
Personally, I like a hybrid approach. Do something that shows you want to keep her safe, it doesn’t have to be huge, but change the oil in her car, change the wiper blades, top of her fluids, see if the brake pads need changing, and fill up her tank. If she doesn’t have a car, clean her fridge and dryer lint trap.
Then on top of that, get tickets to something that SHE will love. Demonstrate value, nurture dependence
D-Dennis? Is that you?
Something that healthy couples can borrow from couples therapy is the State of the Union:
each week you share 5 things you appreciate about what the other person did last week, ask for one thing that’d make you feel more loved from the other person, and discuss something that went well.
it doesn’t have to be as codified as that, you can just bring these things up in conversation casually.
And, aa someone else mentioned love languages - you can rotate through all of them: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
What does she like? Maybe in addition to what the other people said, you could bake her some chocolate chip cookies and tell her you love her? Or invite her to the cinema or a concert, or the park and have a nice picnic? I suppose there are a lot of smaller and bigger gestures available to express love, gratitude, respect and these things. It depends mostly on what an individual person likes. And it should come from your heart.
One trick that always works - every time (or every other time) you go to the grocery store, get her flowers or a balloon. It doesn’t have to be fresh flowers - discount flowers work too.
It lets her know that you thought of her and that you want your shared space to look nice.
But, as others say - listen to her. If she hates flowers, get something else.
And listen, be cheap. It’s fine. Don’t buy the best flowers. They die after a while and beauty fades. So don’t sweat about getting expensive roses.
Added bonus - come valentines, you can skip flowers because they’re overpriced and she’s so used to them that she wants something else 🙂
