(Phoenix, AZ) As the nation works to discuss the assassination of Charlie Kirk without bringing up gun violence, the White House has announced that Donald Trump will lead the organization going forward. “It’s a sad time, very sad,” said the president at his New Jersey golf course. “We know Charlie’s family is sad and America is sad. I know they want me to take over until his son is old enough to take over.”
Turning Point, a corporation with its own board of directors and chain of succession, says they are reaching out to the president to clarify his symbolic leadership of the firm. But trumps office clearly responded as if the president ran the organization. “The president is planning to move the headquarters to JD Vance’s old office once he moves,” said Karoline Leavitt to reporters, “and has a new logo commemorating Charlie being commissioned at a gold leaf factory. The president is excited to do the work.”
When asked how this would affect the president’s current work administering the country, Leavitt had no comment.
I’m gonna be hearing raven’s for a week after getting hit this hard by Poe’s Law.
Going to save this one for the old the onion turned out to be true file
I had to write fast before he announced it.
Still my favorite:
Lmao, that’s an awesome article. Oh how I long for such an innocent time.
Didn’t SNL do a skit about that even longer before?
I don’t think so… But if you find something, please let me know!
In the very first episode of SNL, actually, back in 1975, mocking the concept of a triple-bladed razor.
I’ll have to check it out!
Wow, I but the onion there for a minute
It was a giveaway that he didn’t consent on the wife’s physical attractiveness though before making it about himself.
Hopefully he goes on a college speaking tour.
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