Yeah i love how people are saying their relatives got into the US the right way, meanwhile the president having ICE raid immigration courts.
What’s happening in the photo?
UGH YEP
A real AuDHD trait.
Gotta tell the whole story, a “Yeah, I know that feel” just doesn’t work in our heads. You gotta force yourself to say the simple thing and not say the whole story.
I think I get it, but I need an example from you, or anyone ?
It’s a trap!
Haha been there
Always share and let them decide. If you’re genuine, and care, show it. Your intentions may not always land, but it still creates positive value. To love or hate is to care. Indifference is the opposite of both love and hate. To make no comment is therefore always the worst. If you feel strange about what you posted, that is an opportunity for personal growth. Caring matters most. So post it!
I feel seen 🥹
So fucking relatable
I have a real hard time with this. Because I usually can’t think of much else to say…
This hits WAY too close to home
It helps to acknowledge their issue first, maybe commiserate, and only share something directly related. Then you need to immediately hand the conversation back to them, and listen some more.
Don’t say, “Oh, that reminds me of something…” and then talk about seeing a dog on your most recent three-week summer vacation to France.
Thank you for saying this. I know a lot of people have a hard time with it, but once you establish trust and connection, you can then share your experiences that are similar with most people. There’s some who are very little sense of self security that hearing this will break that trust.
Yeah, it can be tough to balance it. Sometimes, especially if it’s a loved one, just listening and letting them vent and then offering if there’s anything you can do to help/support them is all they want. Even if you have something that’s directly relevant, it may not be the right time to share. There isn’t really a silver bullet guideline to these types of things since it can be very context dependent.
I just lean into that part of my boomerism. No, for any SANE person reading this, I am not a member of the baby boomer generation, which is the original meaning of that word. I just happen to be older than 33, so to 77.8% of the current internet, I’m basically ancient.
Sometimes when people are experiencing loss or feeling emotionally fragile, what they really need is a whimsical story from a time in my personal history where everything was simply just better overall like in ancient history.
When I was growing up, we literally did not even have a computer to tell us what to think. We had a Britney Spears and colorful Asian ninjas to teach us right from wrong. Our phones didn’t have “data” and we got charged ten cents a message to send somebody a text, so we used our words wisely, because they also put a limit on how many letters qualified as a text. None of these smiley faces and penis-looking vegetables bullshit either.
One time I got locked inside a tanning booth run inside the gas station in Westerville Plaza. I guess all the employees went home and it was so far out, I could not get signal on my Nokia. Ended up typing up a message and then I threw my damned phone out the door the instant I pressed send, somehow my best friend Malika got my message about an hour later the sheriffs showed up. I was burned to a crisp and smelled like a fried bologna sandwich but I survived thanks to the technology of the day. So really, we don’t need all these Googles and YouTubes and Instagags. Just need sturdy phones that can take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’. Which is how we should all live our lives.
“relate” is the problem term in this scenario. when someone’s dad dies in a car accident and you say “my dad died fighting nazis” that isn’t “relate” that’s one-upping
when someone royally fucks up at work and you say “yea, i did the same thing. and here i am still,” THAT’S relating.
it’s not about making people feel like their situation isn’t bad, it’s about communicating that you understand. even if you don’t really
It’s important to verbally bring it back to them after sharing your similar experience. Something like, “bla bla bla so yea losing my father was devastating so I can imagine the pain your going through right now.” Then pause and let them talk again.
I think half the problem is that neurotypicals don’t connect dots the way neurospicy folks do. It goes without saying to neurodivergent folk that the reason/purpose/meaning behind the personal story is to create a foundation for empathy and connection.
To take this further, a relateability sandwich really helps.
Start with “I really relate to that because I had a similar experience.” or similar
end with “So I really sympathize with you, and I learned/still feel [insert summary of relevance to their situation]”
I remember telling my supervisor about people commenting on my skinny legs because she was telling me about being short. I was trying to relate to her but I stopped the story there and never told her the rest. I was supposed to add that I’m old now, dont give a fuck what people think and those people are the ones with the problem. I think it came off as me too and I’m 1upping you.
It depends on how you phrase your thoughts. Also, sometimes you get too carried away and talk excessively and steal the spotlight from the person. It is important to have self-awareness to realise you’re talking too much and refocus the attention back to the person who need support.
Bingo. Keep it short, very short.
Remember the 4 H’s, when someone is feeling upset they want one of four things from their listener, and asking up front “Which of the four Hs do you want right now” can really help get straight to supporting them.
Hear - Just listen, dont comment or try to fix it. Brief supportive statements like “I hear you.” and “That sounds eeally tough.” welcome, but dont insert unrelated topics.
Help - Give advice, including relating with a similar experience and specifically showing how it taught you something that applies to their situation.
Hold - Usually just listening, but with the addition of physical touch, could be holding hands or full on cuddling.
Hump (only for romantic partners) - cathartic release.
