The injuries you sustain when hanging yourself can vary greatly depending on countless factors. Are you dangling with your feet off the ground? Are you sitting or crouching on the ground? What’s the temperature of the room? Is the ligature wound tightly or is gravity doing most of the work? How much slack is there? How thick is the ligature material? How close are you to other objects and furniture? How old are you? How much do you weigh? How long was it before you were discovered? And so on.

When you die by hanging, unless it’s a trapdoor neck-snapper affair, you’re going to convulse and spasm and twitch violently as your body shuts down. If you doubt this, the internet is replete with videos people have taken of themselves as they die in exactly this manner.

The end result might look like you were struggling, and maybe you’ll break some tiny bones in your neck that you wouldn’t have if you’d been orientated differently. However, if you really were strangled and you were fighting for your life, there would be CLEAR signs that this was the case. It wouldn’t require much interpretation. Just imagine the things you’d be doing if you were being garrotted. Now imagine the ways in which the killer would try to subdue those things. Bruising would be everywhere. DNA would be ploughed up by fingernails. Knee or foot-shaped bruising in the small of your back as the killer flexes you backwards. There would be blood, and probably not just yours. You and your cell would be a fucking mess. If the killer injected or blowdarted some sort of sleeping agent into you before calmly strangling you, or just spiked your prison food with it, both the puncture and the substance would be detected in the autopsies, especially in the adversarial second autopsy done with murder already in mind.

He tried to kill himself in the week or two before the attempt that succeeded. If he weren’t suicidal, and he was being murdered, he sure didn’t feel the need to tell anyone he fought off a Clinton goon in his cell who unsuccessfully tried to strangle him the first time. So, if we all agree that this first attempt was legit, and he wasn’t being coerced or murdered, then the problem of Epstein was clearly and publicly in the process of sorting itself out. No murder needed. No gigantic risk involved, both of being caught and of revealing the existence of the paedoratti by intervening directly. There were clearly no attempts to cut a deal by handing over his evidence of paedo activity on his island, and he obviously wanted to die. So just… wait.

Unirregardless, killing Epstein would have made zero sense for the shadow people. I mean, why not just kill him in the '90s in that case? If he had dirt on everyone who raped kids on his island, and threatened to have it released should anything happen to him in some kind of last gasp nuclear “FUCK YOU”, why kill him in jail if you didn’t feel safe to kill him before? Don’t forget, he had already been arrested and convicted of similar crimes in the past, and didn’t feel the need to offer dirt in exchange for leniency back then, and didn’t need to fend off Paedo Inc. killers while he was in the process of being prosecuted. It would be more in the interest of the shadow people to keep him alive, so that his alleged ‘nuclear option’ doesn’t get activated.

The prison CCTV video has a much talked about minute or two missing. I invite anyone here to write a paragraph describing how they would go into a man’s cell, strangle him as he fights for his life, stage the scene to look like suicide, clean up the probable blood and sweat and scuff marks from your shoes, then slip out, all in under 2 minutes. If there are other theories as to what those missing minutes might contain in support of the murder scenario, I’m all ears. The only thing that would work is the aforementioned drugging of Epstein first, so all the killer would have to do is arrange him into suicide pose. But again, substances strong enough to KO him or even just render him imbecilic would be detected. Unless, of course, the shadow people have special secret pharmacology that’s undetectable. In which case, just give the cunt a heart attack instead. No killer/faux suicide required.

Look, the cunt killed himself. This dumb shit is the least-interesting conspiracy theory I’ve ever heard. The memebrain shit revolving around it is the most inane and tedious of all memeage. It’s just plain boring.

“Epstein didn’t kill himself” is a shibboleth; it tells you that the speaker is a regurgitator of spurious factoids he overhears in bars. He’s a meat-based chain email forwarding algorithm. He’s a Facebook granny who clicks Temu ads for cowboy hats for cats.