(shamelessly stolen from an imgur dump)
I’m going to take the free gravel and 7 inch teleportation. The gravel is a valuable commodity which can be sold. 7 inches is enough to get through any doorway.
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The scifi book Battlefield Earth uses teleportion as a means of propulsion. The teleportation gives fighter planes a defensive and offensive advantage.
By far the least crazy idea L. Ron Hubbard ever had
Does the teleportation create an exact copy of you and destroy who you are, or does it just move you exactly and rebuild your brain perfectly so you’re exactly the you you were before the teleport?
Personally it would work the same as when you move through space by conventional means.
7 inches is enough to get through any doorway.
But not necessarily your whole body. Unless you are a beanpole and your entire body is less than 7" thick, part of your body is going to be stuck in the door.
I want to imagine the real world would freak the fuck out the way some objects in a game engine do when you mash them together.
Instant nuclear fusion explosion
So it’s a pretty good super power then
Yes, but only once
I’m hearing GMod/Source clunking sounds.
This was my thought.
If you can make sure it’s just your nose that gets stuck, then pair it up with pill #4, you’ll be good. Hope that helps lol
7 inches is enough to get you mostly through a doorway.
Doors are about 1.5 inches thick. The average chest depth of an American male is 11.5 inches.
Teleporting yourself 7 inches forward would put a door 7 inches from your front and 3 inches from your back. You would have to only be 5.5 inches deep in order to make it entirely through the doorway without merging with the door.
It depends how exactly it works. If it’s the very front of my body moves forward 7 inches, yeah, that’s not great. I was hoping for measuring from the center or something. What happens if i overlap something, anyway? Nuclear fusion?
It wouldn’t matter what part of your body moves if your whole body retains its shape (as in, doesn’t stretch or deform in any way). If you stay the same shape, you moving 7" means the whole of you (front, middle, and back) moving 7".
If your body stretched during teleport, then you’ll probably have other problems aside of the displacement issue.
It matters what part of the body the measurement is tied to for start and finish. If it has to be the same point on the body then it’s a problem, but if the anchor point can change then there are greater possibilities.
I can put my hand on the door and extend my foot backwards. If my hand is the anchor point to start and my foot is the anchor point to end, then certain parts of my body have teleported more than 7", but in the aggregate at least one part of my whole body is always within a 7" distance from anchor to anchor. That would mean I could teleport my whole body through any solid item that is less than 7" thick.
Now you’re thinking with portals
… wait, wrong power
The more important question is, what is the cool down? If you can just spam it really fast you can essentially move at (7inchs/teleport) * (teleports/second)… if you can spam that multiple times a second you could actually move really fast, even fly.
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Free gravel is a clear winner… If there’s no limits, you could straight up build artificial islands, you could destroy cities… It’s a legit super power. Hell, unless there’s extreme limits that make it worthless, you could do a lot.
Teleporting is tempting, and if you could use it fast enough you could fly or at least walk at insane speeds… Depending on the limits, I’d take that over gravel
But any toaster? That’s a brain computer interface right there. Even if it’s one way, and you have to do it manually and pay for power? With 30 toasters you could type anything. You could learn stenography to do it faster. Or, if you could manipulate toasters past their capabilities, you could generate infinite power or burn down entire cities
For the gravel, I assumed it meant that any place that sells gravel is forced to give it to you for free. Still really powerful, but you have to think about the logistics.
still OP. Now I control all gravel in the world.
Also if you can telelport but leave your poop behind think how easy pooping would be!
Why is everyone choosing whatever pill(s) they want to and describing what they’d do with it?
The instructions explicitly say you can only pick 2. Everyone gets gravel. Smh.
That’s all I want anyways though it would be cool to speak another language.
Oh.
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Resell my free gravel for huge profits
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Have a great street magic trick where I ask the spectator to empty a single container out of many with my back turned, but I can always pick out which one
I’ll be Cris Angel, Gravel King
Redmond and blutarch are gonna be SEETHING when I collapse the gravel industry
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2 and 3 easy.
Free gravel for life. So I have an endless supply of product I can sell for profit? Yes please.
And I see no time-limit on the teleportation. 7 inches at a time. Sure. But what stops me from instantly teleporting another 7 inches? And who says I can only do it horizontally. Pretty much giving me the ability to fly here. I’ll take it.
I agree with your choices but your logic for the teleportation doesn’t hold up. You’ve assumed your momentum wouldn’t be conserved through the teleportation in a weird way. Assuming momentum is conserved, you would still fall just as quickly. In fact, you would reach terminal velocity in short order, and would have to continually teleport to keep yourself from crashing into the ground. By itself that would be bad enough, but you moving through the air between teleports would cause the air to move as well, so assuming you could keep up and hold your elevation, your velocity relative to the ground would increase to some number higher than terminal velocity. Think Chell continually falling through portals. Now you’re stuck unless you can also teleport slightly to the side without falling. Best case you go to one of those indoor skydiving places and get in so you can slow down without dying. I was going to explore what would happen if your momentum somehow wasn’t conserved, but that would imply some absolute fixed frame of reference or magical mumbo jumbo, neither of which exist.
You could totally travel faster though, without even needing to walk. You would also be super dangerous in one on one combat sports. A well placed 7 inch teleportation can easily get the win in the right sports.
I disagree with your teleportation assessment. Just as I don’t think my momentum would be conserved, you think it is. You have no more reason to believe it would than I have to believe it wouldn’t. Because there’s no foundation for teleportation as it doesn’t exist.
I’m not sure what logic you want to use with something that is made up. But im gonna go ahead and assume my teleportation will work on my rules since no rules were ever specified.
You can feel free to use whatever made up rules you want for your own magical power.
Conservation of momentum is a law of nature, making it natural to assume it would still hold even with a hypothetical power. But you do you. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes.
conservation of momentum is only a true, when translational invariance holds. In addition, there may be a countless number of mechanisms by which teleportation changes a persons momentum. E.g. maybe the way this kind of teleportation works is Star Tek-like and your atoms get disassembled and reassembled, meaning they don’t need to have the same overall momentum, when whatever is doing the dissassembly stops atoms for dissassembly.
But what if teleportation doesn’t move you from A to B, but just lets you disappear and reappear while you’re just standing there, so that there’s no momentum at all?
Where does the energy go if you are already moving when you teleport? Do you somehow lose all mass for a brief second? Instant transportation from point A to point B means that there is no in-between state to change the variables of nature. Zero time passes between being here one second and there the next.
Most everything that has mass and is moving has momentum. If momentum were to somehow be cancelled, which it can’t be, your body would probably just stop completely. Even electrons have mass (9.1093837 × 10-31kg) and just stopping all electrical signals in your body at the same time seems like a bad thing. (I say “most everything”, because there are these strange things called photons. It doesn’t have mass, but has momentum. It’s also a particle (err… “energy packet”?) and a wave, which is even weirder.)
Sure, we are taking about a completely fictional situation when it comes to teleporting so this conversation is just really just a thought experiment.
If you were granted any wish, but you only received an extremely literal version of that wish, what are the consequences? That is humorous to think about, actually.
Where does the energy go if you are already moving when you teleport?
If you are in fact moving, there’d be momentum, like you say. But if you don’t? If you just sit there, and teleport from one comfy armchair into another, not changing anything about your position?
No momentum at all relative to what? Relativity tells us that there is no fixed frame of reference. In practice what that means is there is no universal zero velocity. You only have velocity relative to other things. The implicit assumption in your argument is that you would have no momentum relative to the earth, which in itself is problematic. After all, the earth spins at a rate of 360 degrees per day, so not moving relative to the earth would mean moving 463.83 m/s relative to the surface of the earth at the equator, which is supersonic. But maybe you mean relative to the surface of the earth. What if you go to the moon? Or mars? Or into orbit? Maybe you mean relative to the nearest big thing. If you could somehow teleport from the ground into a plane, would the plane count as the nearest big thing? What about a bus? That’s on the ground, so maybe the nearest big thing would be the ground, if the mass of the thing matters in how the nearest big thing is determined. You can see how this can quickly turn into a mess of rules and special cases.
I love the thought experiment. However, what really makes me think is how air behaves.
Would the air from the destination get teleported back to fill the void that you left? Does the person just displace the air at the destination when they teleport?
What really gets me curious is what would happen during several quick teleports if the air is just displaced at the destination. Regardless, there would be an extreme vacuum at the starting location for a very short period of time. There was no specific time given about how long a person needs to wait between jumps, so you could leave a heck of a trail of destruction in your wake.
Some air would be displaced backwards after the teleport decreasing the volume of the void, but a void would still be there.
Would the forces be strong enough to suck the person backwards? Would the atmosphere simply collapse the void creating a bit of thunder and heat?
I can’t even fathom what happens to time. If you teleport instantly, that may imply that you are traveling faster than the speed of light. The universe implodes?
You know when you see people teleport on TV and they just appear in a different place with no major world breaking repercussions? It works like that
Sure. But that is boring. The magic of TV does a poor job of taking fictional situations and showing how things work in real life. Real life can be much more dramatic and interesting. (Or much less dramatic and interesting, in some cases. Like car explosions.)
We can make some estimates for what would happen. The specific enthalpy (basically energy per kilogram) of air, modeled as a diatomic ideal gas, would be 7/2RsT, where Rs is the specific gas constant of air and T is the temperature. The specific gas constant of air is 287.05 J/(kg K), so at 293.15 Kelvin (20 C, ~70 F) the air would have 294kJ per kilogram. An average human displaces about 0.06522 cubic meters (65.22 Liters, 17.2 gallons), and air at standard conditions has a density of 1.20 kg/m^3, meaning you displace about 0.078 kg. This means an average person teleporting would create an energy difference of about 23kJ between the vacuum they leave behind and the surrounding air. That’s as much energy as a 1kg mass moving at 214 m/s (478 mph, 770 kph) or about Mach 0.62 at sea level, or a 1000 kg mass moving at 6.78 m/s (15 mph, 24.4 kph). So imagine getting crushed against a wall by Grandma driving a small sedan at a human running speed, except the wall doesn’t take any of it. That is also a bit more energy than a .50 BMG bullet, which apparently is used to shoot down helicopters.
If you teleport really close to your starting position, we can assume the total energy would be doubled. Also consider that this analysis is conservative. The faster the teleportation happens the more energy you’re going to release. This only accounted for the energy of the air itself, not the kinetic energy of all the air that would rush in to fill the vacuum, or the energy you add to the air when you pop back in, which could be significantly more if you pop back in really fast. So it could be quite a bit of energy. I always imagined that a superhero or villain that could teleport would need some kind of force field just to survive the process, and that they could develop their ability to teleport faster to use it as a weapon, or teleport slower for stealth and not destroying their destination. Looking back at Jumper the amount of damage they do when they teleport is pretty minor, considering the math. The energy released would only grow if you could take stuff with you.
Thanks for doing the leg work on that one! I honestly didn’t know where to start, but I knew there was a ton of energy involved.
But Midi-chlorians…
I was going to say 2 and 3 for the exact reason. And just dumping large amounts of gravel in random places.
I think the teleport one is only a one timer. You take the pill, you teleport away for 7 inches.
Options 2 and 3.
Free gravel, assuming that means it just sort of appears where I want it in as much volume as i want, means I can simply create a massive stockpile of it in a very convenient location for construction projects and sell it by the yard for literally free money. Or sell it directly and conjure it up right where the foreman wants it.
Teleporting 7 inches is enough to pass through most doors which are less than 2" thick. That is infinitely more useful than you think it is…
The teleport one if it has no cool down could be used to fly, just keep using it
If it stops velocity it would also be useful for dropping long distances without dying. A little like Mario doing a butt-stomp just before he hits the ground in Mario 64.
MLG teleport clutch.
Could just also use it to travel any speed too if it stops velocity
You could put on an astronauts suit and warp across space
Theoretically it could be used to travel, but “realistically” it probably couldn’t. Even if it’s an ability that’s as easy to activate as blinking, a typical blink lasts 1/3 of a second. If you can teleport 4x per second, you can only move at 28 inches per second, which is slower than walking speed. If you did it while you were running you could theoretically add 28 inches per second to your speed, but that would only increase your speed by about 10%.
It seems unlikely you could use the ability hundreds of times per second, because there really isn’t much that you can do intentionally hundreds of times per second.
Physics teachers hate this one simple trick
Doors may not be that thick, but you’re thicker than 7 inches even if you’re skinny. So you’d end up with part of your back inside the door.
But then you haven’t travelled 7 inches. If you want to measure how far someone has travelled, you measure the distance from a body part in one position to the same body part in the second position. If you measure from the back of the foot in one position why would you measure to the front of the foot in the other position?
Ammm, that proves that you’ll likely end up in the door. If you stand facing the door and measure 7 inches from the back of the foot towards the door, you likely won’t pass the door.
Right. I seem to have confused myself.
Also another point is that it says “up to” 7 inches. Who knows if that distance is a choice or random.
If it is a choice, then stand back to the wall and teleport -24 inches to safely teleport through the wall.
Lol right, didn’t catch that small detail
If a door is 2 inches thick and thickest part of your body is the length of your foot in inches, let’s say 11 inches which Google tells me is a reasonable length for a man’s foot, then to travel far enough into the direction of the door so that the back of your foot ends up on the other side of the door, you’d need to travel 11+2 inches.
Depends on how it’s measured. I was supposing a position at the center of your mass being used, but there are no guidelines to go by. Guess you just have to take the pill and see how it works! Personally, I’d pick something else unless I had a way to verify how it worked beforehand.
Speak for yourself. How do you know I’m not a 2-dimensional lifeform?
Must be difficult to eat!
Just teleport again. What could go wrong?
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Speak for yourself. I’m more than 7" thick. I’m not making it through a sheet of paper.
As long as you maintain a personal diameter of <5 inches. If not, some door will trim it for you.
some door will trim it for you.
Hang on, let’s hear him out…
Cath here is that if you teleport accidentally into an object that object becomes a part of you.
So I just become a Katamari?
Fine by me.
You can do this already without the pill, you are just limited to objects that are somewhat sharp.
rolls around on a floor full of tacks
“Ha-ha, (ouch) na, na-na (ouch) na-na (ouch) na-na (ouch) na-na, (ouch) Kata(ouch)mari Dama(ouch)cy!”
Ba baaaaa bababadabada
Not just doors. Many walls are thinner than that. Any window or glass wall, even reinforced bulletproof ones, immediately become an entrance and exit. You could presumably walk into Fort Knox, grab a few bars of gold and walk back out. If you’re arrested, no jail could hold you.
You could easily be the most famous magician alive, doing impossible escapes from sealed boxes, or disappearing by teleporting 7 inches into a hollow but completely sealed object.
Free gravel for life. Just become a gravel wholesaler. Corner the market instantly.
2 and 3 without question.
You’d make ludicrous money from the construction industry with an unlimited supply of gravel, while being able to teleport 7 inches would be useful for break-ins.
3 and 7 💯. I’m breaking into all the places.
Didn’t even think of a building as a container
Exactly. One power lets you see if it’s safe, and the second one teleports you into the space you know to be empty.
2 and 7. Free gravel? Sign me up that shit’s expensive. And I think another way to interpret 7 is that you can instantly tell whether any closed container is empty or not, since you can only see into empty containers.
2 and 7 feels OP compared to any other combo by a mile. Definitely getting nerfed in the next patch.
For some reason my mind skipped straight past 2 so I never considered it. I was going to go 5 and 7. 7 for the same reasoning as your own, and I could probably use 5 as some sort of weird toaster-only magic show to make money. 2 Is definitely the far superior moneymaker here, but I’d probably go with 5 anyway because it’d be more fun to have as an ability.
Depending on the exact rules, you could probably control anything you can bolt a toaster to.
For no real reason other than it sounds reasonable in my head, my personal head canon is that you can’t move anything heavier then the toaster itself. So a cloth on top of the toaster is fine, but a car just wouldn’t fly.
It’s fun to imagine what it would mean with no limits though. Could I send the earth spiraling into the sun simply by placing the toaster on the floor?
Even with limitations, like, would installing a toaster into a car, pimp my ride style, make the car a driveable toaster?
Free gravel it is 😒. Why would someone make a quiz with no choice ?!
Sell free gravel you got Gravel to construction companies by the ton.
2 and 3
Assuming I have the ability to Summon free gravel
I could use it for all sorts of things such as making money, using it as a throwing weapon, etcetera
With the teleportation I could just chain I and travel to any country while maintaining a safe speed limit for my body during transition in and out of teleporting
Yeah no contest. Gravel can be sold, can teleport through walls or doors
Whoa whoa, the gift is getting free gravel for life. Wanting to summon it is just getting greedy
Free gravel has to come from somewhere, it’s functionally equivalent to summoning it. (Although it could be one of those asshole genie things where they’re like "I didn’t say how much free gravel)
I truly expect with the wording of the rest of this that you need to fill out like a requisition form for the gravel each time you want more.
You have to go to a quarry and pick it up every time. Mind you its still free so your only overhead would be in time and transit. Just sell it below market price to landscapers.
3 is just like diablo 2 sorcs just with more button spamming
Well if I can only pick #2 I guess I’m gonna get free gravel.
clap
Dude all I’m thinking about is redoing my driveway. All these other people are looking to be gravel tycoons.
Yeah do you get like a choice of gravel? Because I’ve got a bluestone driveway that’s in piss poor condition, so being able to pick the matching flavor would be really convenient.
Definetly 2. You can make millions with that shit.
Depending on the fine print that comes with these powers, some of them could be significantly less useless than they appear.
For instance, “look 10 hours younger.” Always, or can you do this on command? Can do you it on command more than once? Does the effect stack? Does it include your clothes? Etc. Because if it for example includes your clothes and/or makeup, you could use this to disguise yourself pretty elaborately, or equip yourself with a lot of stuff about your person in advance, then take it off and show up anywhere up to 10 hours later and conjure that stuff out of the air. Imagine the Matrix lobby scene, except you don’t have to set off the metal detector on your way through.
Infinite gravel could be pretty OP if you can conjure it at a fast rate, and especially so if you can conjure it at a remote location. Like, above your enemy’s head. Or inside his vehicle. Etc. Even if it’s just some kind of deal where you present your magic coupon at the Gravel Depot, you could corner the world’s supply. There are a lot of roads that need building in the world.
Or if your 7" teleportation range has no cooldown period, you could just chain-teleport pretty much anywhere that doesn’t require passing through anything thicker than 7". That’s tantamount to flight or super speed running, but you could do it without removing your asscheeks from your chair. Or depending on how the telefrag rules work, you could cause a lot of damage to anyone or anything you wanted by just teleporting through taking 7" bites out of your target each time.
#7 could be useful for gambling - when you can see into one container but not the other, you instantly know which one has the prize in it.
Due to a recent Supreme Court ruling certain areas classified as wet land by the US Corp of Engineers are no longer under build restriction. To make them buildable they need fill. A few million tons of gravel fill seems like something someone would pay a lot of money for.
What really? Great let’s take away flood protection.
Yeah, it’s crazy. A couple from Idaho took the EPA to court and won. Wetlands not adjacent to bodies of water are no longer federally protected.
If you think about it, if looking 10 hours younger was constant, you basically created eternal youth. I’d say that’s pretty great.
you can’t teleport through things because you are thicker than 7"
2 and 7, obviously. Good luck anyone carrying an empty box within my vicinity.
