I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It’s low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don’t go crazy. I’m a frugal person so I don’t miss out on anything.
My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I’m happy for them.
The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn’t always a problem since I don’t have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it’s time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling “it’s your turn to pay now”. Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.
Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it’s not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They’re not happy and, as much as I try, I can’t make them understand how much money I make. They can’t understand you can’t buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.
It’s also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I’m home I can find an excuse to ditch them.
Maybe we have just grown appart and that’s that.
If my brother came to visit me, and I knew he’s not very well off, he’d never never ever pay a single penny for anything and I’d do my very best to make sure he had a great holiday. These people are just entitled and inconsiderate and so are you.
I heard that “If my brother/sister/mother/father” story plenty of times. And it was never true. I’ve seen and heard too much while I volunteered in homeless shelters.
Right, so your anecdotal experience = the sum total of reality. Speaking as someone who’s actually needed a homeless shelter for a brief time, attitudes like yours are toxic and damaging.
My wife has a friend from childhood who isn’t as well off as we are (and I wouldn’t say we’re particularly well off). My wife regularly invites her to dine out, and her friend often says she can’t afford to. So she offers to pay. Sometime her friend accepts, sometimes not, because who wants to feel like a mooch? Oftentimes, if she can’t afford to dine out, my wife will just go visit her instead. Why? Because we don’t think money is a defining part of our lives, and spending time together is what friends do.