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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
I think it is funny how you post this, then in the comments deny that this is the type of opinion someone like you, a proud leftist feminist have, and that it is actually most men who think like this.
If that is the case, why did you make this post? What was the purpose of your post if this isn’t how you think about lonely men? What did you want to achieve with it? I can tell you, that you’re not going achieve anything positive.
I assume you’d like to be treated with respect and compassion yourself since you have that blåhaj attached to you. That respect and compassion is a two way street.
The fact that SOME men feel entitled to women doesn’t mean that most men think or feel like that. The loneliness many men (and women for that matter) feel is very real and it is a far bigger and more complex issues than just “lawl, can’t get laid”.
I personally know what it is like to be mistreated by very bad men. It left deep scars on me that I have to carry for life. However, I promised myself that I would not become a man hater back when I was going through my trauma. I refused to let a couple of asshole determine how I would meet the world and the men in it. It would be unfair to those who had never done a thing to me and it would be unfair to myself because I was better than that.
You too are better than this and you either have to start treat all people with respect and compassion if you want the same in return or you need to own that it is in fact not “most men” who think like this, it is you who think like this. Stand by your convictions and own them or change course because you know that what you’re putting out into the world right now is ugly and reductive.
I believe you’re misreading their posts. In the text that you quoted, they say, “I think
f(X)andg(X)both exist. I think thatXis actually two populations:Xa andXb.”You’ve quoted this to say, “if you don’t think
g(X)exists then why did you post??”(
f(X)is men who want friendship,g(X)is men who want sex,Xa is men in feminist circles,Xb is men not in feminist circles.)It’s still a stupid way to look at it.
First of all: male feminists can indeed feel entitled to women as well as men who aren’t feminist can just feel socially lonely and not being obsessed with women who don’t date them.
I think it is dumb to have leftist and feminism as a criteria for a man being a good person or not. It is a reductive way to think about the issue and very tribalistic.
Second of all: There are many people out there, not just men, who aren’t obsessed with the culture war, who still struggle with loneliness and the problem is multi faceted. Off the top of my head these are some of the issues I spot in the developed world that causes the loneliness epidemic:
long workdays and lower pay than in the past. People are exhausted and poorer than they were in the past. There is not much energy left after work to go be a productive, social member of society.
phones and social media. Today it is easier to connect with people than ever before, but it is also a time waster and it opens the door to people forming friendships and romantic connections with people who are geographically very far away.
this leads to physical loneliness. I am partially guilty of this myself. Most of my close friends live very far away from me and I don’t get to see them often as a result. I miss having friends close by that I can just walk down the street to hang out with or go on picnics with. I don’t spend time with people in my local area because I don’t have as much in common with them, nor do I have the energy to form new friendships when I’m off the clock.
the lack of investment in local communities. People don’t want to invest time and effort into their local communities by volunteering for clubs and gatherings. Most people would love to have these clubs where people meet and hang out, but no one want to carry their load to make it work.
this is of course a mix of the aforementioned exhaustion from long work days but it is also due to the individualistic ideology that has gradually replaced the communal ideology that used to be much more prominent back in the day. There is no willingness to sacrifice one’s own comfort for the comfort of the collective. “Screw you, I got mine” is a very in fashion mindset and we all do it to some extent.
institutions. I like institutions as a concept and I think they are important to have, but I also have to admit that the more institutionalized our society has become, the wider the gap has become between us. Someone is mentally ill? Throw them in a clinic. Someone is getting old? Off to the retirement home? Having kids? To kindergarten and daycare they go while mommy and daddy work themselves to the bone. In the olden days the community took care of each other’s sick, elderly and the kids. It wasn’t perfect then either, the tendency to just drop burdens off on institutions has contributed to us distancing ourselves from the familial and community based system that we used to live by for thousands of years.
governments prioritizing economic growth and technological advancement over families. This is just a fact. South Korea is the prime example of what happens when an advanced society systematically prioritizes growth over stability. The encouragements to get educated and get a career and climb the ladder and push push push for excellence utterly destroys and isolates youths from forming important lifelong friendships and romantic relationships. They do not have the time. Also, due to the cost of living crisis which is part of the growth priority, there is close to zero actual investment in giving people the time, breathing room and finances to start a family.
These are just the first few issues that pop into my mind as part of the bigger issue with the loneliness epidemic.
To boil this issue down to “men outside of leftist and feminist circles are just mad they can’t get laid” is so fucking stupid I don’t even have words for it. My point still stands.
It sounds like your position is that the loneliness epidemic affects everyone and that there’s no reason to talk about it being male loneliness. If so, I believe you’re in agreement with the OP and feminist circles: “There is no male loneliness epidemic. It is simply a loneliness epidemic.”
However, if you nose around online, you’ll find that there are MRA-type circles who are very invested in the idea that it is a specifically-male problem. I interpret the OP img-text as being a reaction against that. To continue the New University quote from above: “By arbitrarily gendering a universal loneliness, our fragmented society becomes further fractured, and the discourse surrounding relationships becomes a breeding ground for misogyny.”