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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
I have a wife and I don’t feel lonely.
But I noticed my third place “go to” places are very lonely and they were a place I use to be to socialise randomly.
Backthen: Going to the gym was an adventure, blast some weights and grab a cappucino with someone on the way out and talk about the routine, how they are progressing etc… PEOPLE TALKED.
Now? Everyone on the phones during sets, if they aren’t doing that they run around with headphones and walk and use the phone,…
It’s everywhere. I am not different now.
But trust me guys and ladies, it’s not having no partner. It’s the phones, it’s the phones. If they’d shutdown the internet people won’t be dating anymore and the human race would just end cause people can’t communicate in person anymore.
I think it’s mostly a time issue. Used to be much easier but with recession, inflation, housing crisis, constant layoffs at least I am much busier than I was e.g. 10 years ago.
The little time I have for going to the gym I kinda don’t feel like talking to people I’ll probably never see again. Because I’m also in one of those subscription things where you actually don’t have to be member of a specific gym anymore, you can just go anywhere they partner with. And I think lots of people are doing that nowadays, plus with all the layoffs people move around even more than they used to.
I think phones do play a role but they aren’t the only thing that keeps us from socializing.
I’ve experienced crippling social anxiety In person and major depression but at 40 have found that connecting with a few people that I share the same interests with has been the biggest de-lonelifier.
It isn’t even a deep connection necessarily, we don’t talk about private stuff very much but we are just comfortable talking and sharing gaming, watching sports together etc.
I think if I didn’t have the small group of people I spend time with on Discord (voice and screen share) I would feel this loneliness much deeper.
It’s all just luck in finding the right people though. I can’t say I tried to find this group I just never turned down getting to know people and the pandemic meant Discord was the only way to interact.
The main point is it might not be “intimate” connection and more a comfortable connection where you can just spend time doing the usual things you like to do together. But computer gaming is unique in that way. I think voice chats with people you have stuff in common with is one way to find something if someone is looking for it. But complaining on message boards is not the same as talking with someone.
No, at least not everyone.
I use phone or headphone to avoid talking to people. To minimize the risk of what you said you use to do might happen to me.
Not everyone loves being social. And I’m one of those people from before the internet. So phones didn’t make me this way.