(Greetings from all!)

Preamble: I’m a CISHET man, however, I’m neurodiverse and have suffered abuse in both childhood and as an adult.

One of the things I’ve very recently learned is (for me) that a lot of the push to fix things, anticipate problems, and take care of others comes from anxiety spawned from my past trauma. I was the peacemaker, and I took it on myself to prevent people with poor emotional skills from fighting. I’m afraid of others being mad — at me, at others, at pets, at traffic, at anything — and that the people currently in my life will have the same unfair expectations and unhealthy responses as the people who, well, made those anxiety responses.
Being on top of everything is my way of avoiding the fear and anxiety, but it burns me out and makes me resentful, even if I can’t consciously identify I will feel that way before I get to that point. It puts a major strain on my relationships and really impoverishes me.
By choosing to be okay with the fear that I’m letting others down, and communicating with them before I reach my breaking point (either in terms of burnout or frustration), I don’t create expectations that I don’t enjoy fulfilling/or I don’t make it so that I don’t feel like I can’t renegotiate responsibilities with people.

Which is all to say: Holding and maintaining boundaries is scary, but it will make you happier. And it will make your relationships stronger as you lean in to trust each other more. No one can do everything. It’s okay to be human, and it’s okay to recognize that people who have unfair expectations of you are not healthy for you/you should still hold your boundaries on what you’re willing to give.

I worry sometimes my intent is lost in all my words, but to be clear, I see my comment as being in support of the one I’m replying to, just with a different context.