The problem is that parents themselves do not respect the child saying these things, regardless of gender. We have seen so many mistreat children and that is what leads, many times, to these kind of things.
Parents need to get better about respecting consent and not seeing children as mere objects that must follow their every command. Working with them instead of against them, not punishing them or calling them ‘naughty’ just for merely not doing what they say, not shouting at them etc.
I think this is an excellent point. Middle class children can be particularly vulnerable to abuse because they’re polite, not assertive and totally obedient. Children’s voices are missing from lots of academic literature. We need to stop seeing children as objects and respect their autonomy
Yes. We try to teach consent with my young children. When one is doing something to the other and they shout “no!” We point out that they are not consenting to whatever the other is doing.
Also, we have a phrase to help empower our children to say no when they’re being tickled and no longer want it. We say, “no mas manos” (no more hands). They can also say “no,” “stop,” or any number of other things, but we’ve used this phrase to make a point of it. Sometimes they say no mas manos and then when we stop they say “mas manos” or “yes mas manos.” To them it’s a bit of a game, but to me they’re getting to learn that it’s exactly like a switch. When the switch is on, tickling is welcome. When the switch is off, tickling is no longer welcome and should immediately stop. They can choose for it to be on or off any time, and can switch in rapid succession–they get to decide.
The problem is that parents themselves do not respect the child saying these things, regardless of gender. We have seen so many mistreat children and that is what leads, many times, to these kind of things.
Parents need to get better about respecting consent and not seeing children as mere objects that must follow their every command. Working with them instead of against them, not punishing them or calling them ‘naughty’ just for merely not doing what they say, not shouting at them etc.
I think this is an excellent point. Middle class children can be particularly vulnerable to abuse because they’re polite, not assertive and totally obedient. Children’s voices are missing from lots of academic literature. We need to stop seeing children as objects and respect their autonomy
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Yes. We try to teach consent with my young children. When one is doing something to the other and they shout “no!” We point out that they are not consenting to whatever the other is doing.
Also, we have a phrase to help empower our children to say no when they’re being tickled and no longer want it. We say, “no mas manos” (no more hands). They can also say “no,” “stop,” or any number of other things, but we’ve used this phrase to make a point of it. Sometimes they say no mas manos and then when we stop they say “mas manos” or “yes mas manos.” To them it’s a bit of a game, but to me they’re getting to learn that it’s exactly like a switch. When the switch is on, tickling is welcome. When the switch is off, tickling is no longer welcome and should immediately stop. They can choose for it to be on or off any time, and can switch in rapid succession–they get to decide.