now, i don’t know if it’s such a big deal, i’m (a trans man) just getting it “off my chest” (that’s why i posted here). i love my boyfriend, but sometimes i wish he talked more to me. i understand, though. he’s been struggling with mental health, but even when he says he’s happy, he barely has any time for me because he’s playing video games. he didn’t even want to put the game down to say hi to me or text me because he thought it was annoying to do so, so i told him i’d let him play the game. i understand he plays games when he’s bored or to cope with his life and depression, but he barely talks to me because that’s how much he loves video games. we talk a few times per day and he says stuff like that"hi, i love you" “you’re so handsome” but other than that, not really anything.

please be respectful, i don’t need a rant on how much i suck as a bf, i’m really trying to figure out what to do to help.

i reposted this to mental health because it’s kind of about his mental health struggles.

  • TheTimeKnife@lemmy.worldEnglish
    20·
    2 days ago

    Spending all of your time on a hobby is not reasonable, even because of mental health issues. Sure, short stints can be managed from relationship to relationship, but everyone has a need to talk and spend time with their partner. Nobody can sustain being completely ignored forever. You need to have a talk, establish an understanding of what you both need out of a relationship, how much time spent together is the key topic of conversation. It may just be that your hobbies, coping strategies, relationship preferences and lifestyles are incompatible for a long term relationship. You need to talk to figure this out, understand if it feels more like a moment of extreme stress or more like something he is happy with just remaining that way forever. My wife and I both love video games. We play hours and hours of it together. Just got her into mechwarrior online and she loves it. I still can’t game all the time, we have both have had to put the game down to spend time with the other. It’s just a normal part of being in an adult relationship, you have to find a balance, and that balance is usually established by a series of conversations about expectations, needs and boundaries. Sometimes the balance just comes naturally, but you can’t expect it to always work that way or stay that way. Lastly, its pretty rude to act like your partner is being annoying when wanting to spend time together. Sometimes people are rude to each other when we shouldn’t be, but how we take responsibility for that when confronted about it says a lot about how much we care about our impact on the person we hurt.

    • jay (he/they)@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      4·
      2 days ago

      i’ll talk to him, thank you so much. he doesn’t put in a lot of effort to text sometimes because he thinks the game is more important and can’t put it down. i feel like he’d think i basically made him lose.

      • TheTimeKnife@lemmy.worldEnglish
        5·
        2 days ago

        This is more of a face to face, or at least voice call conversation. Yeah it sucks interrupting his coping method, but it’s just not a split focus type conversation and sometimes you have to be a little uncomfortable during a difficult conversation. He can’t really opt out of it either by ignoring it. It’s a conversation about his behavior and how it impacted you. If you want, you can let him know you need to talk and schedule it. Some people do better with time to emotionally prepare. You can do this, it’s always harder to get started than keep it going on these things. If he literally has no time in the foreseeable future to talk to his partner about something important to them, he doesn’t really have time for a relationship. Nobodies patience is endless, and you shouldn’t hold it against yourself if you find your limit.