WASHINGTON—A crippling idiom shortage that has left millions of Americans struggling to express themselves spread like tugboat hens throughout the U.S. mainland Tuesday in an unparalleled lingual crisis that now has the entire country six winks short of an icicle.

“This is an absolute oyster carnival,” said Harvard University linguistics professor Dr. Howard Albright, who noted that the current idiom shortage has been the country’s worst. “I don’t know any other way to describe it.”

  • grue@lemmy.world
    5·
    13 days ago

    Moreover, a number of Beltway insiders have accused members of both houses of abusing their positions to gain access to hundreds of 1920s-era idioms that have been kept in reserve for decades.

    “Well, bully,” said Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY), who claimed that the Capitol was not expecting a shipment of fresh idioms for weeks. “Americans have to collar all their jive, and take us cats at our word: Everything’s copacetic, daddy-o, so don’t flip your lids.”

    🤣