I’m a single mother of a 12 year old boy and recently he told me he was gonna have some friends over, but he asked me if I could stay in my room while they hangout. After some arguing I did end up staying in my room for the most part outside of bringing them snacks/drinks. I was kind of hurt because I want to be that cool/friendly mom to my son’s friends and I want to get to know who my son is hanging out with. I’m definitely on the younger end for a mother of a 12 year old since I had him extremely early, so I feel like I’d be less embarrassing than other moms. Any time I’ve offered to chaperone for school events, he’s begged me not to. What should I do? Is this just a phase?
It’s not that you’re specifically embarrassing but your presence probably works against an image he’s trying to cultivate with his friends. Kids at this age are probably more looking to find approval from their peers. One of the ways they do that is by demonstrating independence which is “mature” and cool.
Having Mom hovering around constantly reminding him and his friends that he is in fact not independent yet, while true, is probably the last thing he wants, so his seeking to minimize your presence when his friends are over is pretty normal.
He probably thinks you’re a cool Mom but he’s trying to build a reputation for independence with his friends and your presence works against that. If you want to be really cool in his eyes, don’t even bring them snacks. Let your son know where he can get them and let him bring them to his friends himself and learn how to be a good host.
The only dynamic I found a bit off is that he specifically wanted you to confine yourself to your room. It’s still your house and the fact that he thinks he should be able to restrict yourself like that probably isn’t the healthiest idea for him to cultivate. Just do your own thing you’d normally do at the house and don’t specifically intrude on their interactions unless they initiate.