I’m a single mother of a 12 year old boy and recently he told me he was gonna have some friends over, but he asked me if I could stay in my room while they hangout. After some arguing I did end up staying in my room for the most part outside of bringing them snacks/drinks. I was kind of hurt because I want to be that cool/friendly mom to my son’s friends and I want to get to know who my son is hanging out with. I’m definitely on the younger end for a mother of a 12 year old since I had him extremely early, so I feel like I’d be less embarrassing than other moms. Any time I’ve offered to chaperone for school events, he’s begged me not to. What should I do? Is this just a phase?
You stayed in your room? No. He can stay in his room with his friends, or go outside and play. The house is yours, you make the rules, not him.
Kids need boundaries, and you need to set them. They crave direction, structure, and stability to push against and feel secure when it holds.
FR. My kids are just toddlers but a decade from now my kid isn’t going to tell me to stay in my room.
Sure, you know what your kids going to tell you a decade from now? It’s abstract now, but there are so many variables. If they struggle making friends, it’s the first time they’ve invited people over and they want it to be just like last time at another kid’s house which they all thought was cool? It’s a tough call.
Yeah I kinda do.
It’s true that I won’t know what problems they’re encountering or friendships they’re navigating, but they’re only going to “ask” me to do reasonable things within appropriate boundaries.
They might say they’re embarrassed if I’m around while they’re entertaining their friends, but they’re not going to tell me to go hide in my room because that’s not something children expect of their parents.
To put it plainly, I intend to set and maintain boundaries.