Not belonging. Never knowing if who I am will stop me from getting the help I need.

When I left my ex, I needed state enforcement to stop him from hurting me again. Years later, I began dating a woman. It was terrifying to know that if someone doesn’t like it, they can give him access to me or my daughter again. Has he gotten bored with us? No, unfortunately. Constant vigilance. No mistakes.

I work in a male dominated field. Which is hard enough as a woman. But I managed to keep being promoted. I was able to provide for my family. Until they found out I was gay. Then my reviews were lukewarm, I got shut out of important meetings, and there was no more opportunity for growth.

I lie on my paperwork for doctors now. I’ve had one gyno go from friendly to cold with me after asking about my partner. (I find it’s best to always say you’re single anyway, that way they don’t seek permission from anyone you might be involved with.) I thought it was relevant because it was care for my genitals. But I can’t trust it. I’m already ignored enough at the doctor. I don’t need to give them even more reasons.

It shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t have to hide things about myself just to live.