On Monday I have a meeting with my boss and his boss. They wouldn’t say what for, only that “I shouldn’t worry”. Which makes me ABSOLUTELY worry. Don’t think I’ll be fired but I’ll probably be put on a PIP or something.
On top of that one of my cats is actively dying. She’s 15 and I’m by no means ready to say goodbye.
Then I decided to upgrade my pc but of course I botched that and now I have a very expensive paperweight, a mountain of frustration, a few thousand € wasted and nothing but misery and shit to look forward to.
Ain’t life grand? I’m in my 40’s and when I was younger, I kept going thinking “one day surely things will finally be better”. But they’re not. They always keep getting worse and my ability to cope diminishes instead of growing. I feel every failure separately covering me with their weight, and I’ve finally racked up enough that the combined stress is starting to crush me completely.
This might be useless advice but I think this is a situation that can be helped by taking a walk. Get some fresh air, clear your mind, and come back with a fresh set of eyes. You have experience, so I know you can work this out with some patience.
Also fuck your colleagues, and for that matter fuck your job for making you feel that way. Your worth isn’t measured by them. Fuck capitalism for making us dependent on such abusive relationships in order to work and make a living.
Get that computer fixed up so you can use it to look for greener pastures. Find a recruiter, that seems to be the way to do it these days.