I swear on my life I’m not trolling. And I don’t know if that word is offensive. Last I checked it was the actual medical term, but I think I’ve seen people take offense, so I’m sorry if that’s the case.

When I was young, maybe 12-14ish, I always felt I was kind of incomplete. For a while I sincerely wished I had been born with both sex characteristics. After a while I figured it was just a phase of adolescence and went on to live a happy cis life.

Since then I got my gene sequenced for one of those ancestry things, and they didn’t tell me I had Klinefelter’s or anything. But I always kind of wished deep down I had a penis, testes, vagina, womb, breasts, and a beard. Maybe I might just be some kind of transhumanist, cyber prosthetics seem cool.

But I can’t shake that feeling, like loss, like I’m supposed to be both. Is this a real thing? Is it valid or just natural human curiosity?

I’m fine being cis, I don’t think my spouse would find me as attractive if I were to get affirming surgery, if that was even an option. And life would be way more difficult for me being so conspicuous, especially since I live in the US right now. I’d stick out anywhere though. I could go my whole life without pulling on this string, but I feel compelled to.

Again, I swear I’m not trolling. I really feel this way.