There is this girl I have been talking to for a time. I like her, and we also share some common ground. Recently she told how she is struggling very much with anxiety.
She’s worried people dislike her, worried about people only pretending to be her friend, people slowly losing interest. She is without exaggeration suicidal about it. More over I overheard her saying she hates people who are only interest in sex.
And here is the damned kicker, I am only interest in having sex with her. Normally when people talk about how they dislike people only interested in sex, I take that as my cue to leave. It’s totally fine they feel this way, but it also means we’re not compatible. However seeing how this girl is damn near suicidal about people pretending to like her, I’m not sure what to do.
If she’s not into one night stands that’s fine but that does mean I’m walking (I’m also not interested in any friendship). But I don’t want her to kill herself over it either.
Perfectly valid, not cowardly behavior.
No. No the only reason it would be difficult is because you aren’t upfront about it. Cowardly behavior to service a vice.
Alternatively, if someone wanted a specific kind of relationship, shouldn’t they say so before sex? I don’t assume anything about a relationship until we’ve known each other for long enough to discuss it.
I mean yeah, if someone tells me they want to get married some day and I fuck them anyway, that’s a dick move. But again, assuming anything about someone’s intentions without talking about it is just shitty communication.
Well, one may view reservation as cowardice. The other may view it as sensible. Given how it’s at odds with looking like a creep.
By the by, this sentence is brilliant, very nice turn of phrase. I’m keeping this one.
Not sure if you’re serious - but thank you, if you are.
That being said, there’s a difference between reservation and lying.
If you’re ‘reserved’ and plan on telling them before you have sex with them, ok - I can acknowledge that that isn’t cowardly.
If the two of you fuck and then you tell them you’re only interested in sex - that’s cowardly and manipulative behavior.
I honestly am, I appreciate well written English.
Yes, I do always tell them before hand. But usually I wait for that until things start to get serious. However I’ll probably have to tell her sooner rather than later.
Edit: What I mean by ‘get serious’, is the initial sign of her showing sexual interest back.
I think I understand where you’re coming from, I don’t think you’re a coward anymore. I think this is a classic case of common parlance resulting in miscommunication.
When you say ‘get serious’ ; many people in the U.S. take that to mean ‘serious about being with the person romantically, not just sexually’. If I’m interpreting what you’re saying correctly, ‘get serious’ was just used to mean ‘the sexy time is about to happen’ , no?
Yeah, this is 100% what I meant, when sexy time is about to happen. It would be pretty bad if the relationship got serious and then tell them you’re just in it for the sex. 😅
Sorry for butting in, but you wait “until things get serious” to tell people you’re into them just for the sex? I really want to give you the benefit of doubt because you’ve been respectful and articulate so far, but do you honestly not see the problem here? Why not just use Tinder for hookups?
It’s as Jax put it. I didn’t phrase it very clearly. I meant I usually tell them I don’t want anything serious when I feel like they show romantic/sexual interest in me.
Can you have a guess?
Aah I saw their comment and your reply to them. That makes sense, sorry for the misunderstanding.
I think that this may be a miscommunication, I think that what they mean by ‘get serious’ is that the relationship has progressed to the point where having sex is all but guaranteed (which, let’s be real - that can happen pretty fucking fast).
At least that’s how I’m reading it.
Thank you, I saw your exchange and now I understand what was meant.