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Cake day: July 3rd, 2023

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  • weastie@lemmy.worldtoRelationship Advice@lemmy.worldWhat do I do?
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    1 month ago

    You’re right that this might look like BPD, but that’s also a huge conclusion to draw from only a couple sentences. It’s extremely rare to diagnose BPD before age 18 because it has too much overlap with just… the nature of moody teens and puberty.

    OP, it might be useful to research BPD but moreso than anything, just give her time and make sure she knows you’re there if she needs you. Give her reassurance and try asking her about why she thinks people hate her, and maybe try working through it with her (try bringing logic into it, but try to get her to come up with the logic rather than telling her directly).





  • Well, there is partial truth to this. Diagnosing especially preteens with mental health conditions almost always needs an asterisk, their brains are still heavily developing.

    Remember that we know of no reliable genetic / physiological markers for ADHD, so when doctors diagnose it, they’re really just saying that the amount of symptoms seems to be severe enough. Some kids are just naturally more energetic, intelligent, etc. and may appear like they have ADHD, but when they develop into adults that might not actually be the case.

    If anything, it’s more like 1/3 of kids were misdiagnosed as having ADHD, so they “grew” out of it because they didn’t really have it. It’s a lot less likely for an adult to be misdiagnosed because their brains aren’t changing.




  • I can totally imagine that book being really boring to some people. I almost didn’t include the actual book series in this post but I thought people would be curious.

    I think for people who are big readers, reading books that they only kinda enjoy isn’t a big deal for them. They might even just appreciate that it’s different.

    But for folks who don’t read much and are trying to get into it, chugging through a book they only partially like might ruin their entire vision of what reading should be.






  • If you feel like you’re struggling to accomplish a task, take a moment to think about your stimulation level. Are you understimulated or overstimulated? Sometimes just acknowledging it is enough, everyone has their own techniques.

    For example, if I’m trying to work and I’m understimulated, I might throw on some metal music or something like that. If I’m overstimulated, probably means I should sit in a dark room for 5 or 10 minutes until I feel better before trying to do anything.


  • If you’re trying to do thing A but your brain can’t stop thinking about thing B, take out a notebook and write down all your current thoughts on thing B. Trust yourself that when you get back to it, you will be right where you left off. Then do thing A.

    For example, trying to work on a paper but you can’t stop thinking about the season finale of your favorite show you just watched.

    Doesn’t always work but helps a lot.



  • First of all, I think most people think about those things at least occasionally, it’s totally normal and part of the curious nature of humans and many other mammals.

    You mention “I can’t ever just stop thinking and relax. My brain is so fucked.” which indicates that this is a real problem affecting your mental health. I think you could benefit from going to therapy specifically about anxiety, or at least start with implementing some of the basic principles.

    Worrying about things you can’t control, or can’t influence, while completely normal, can be quite destructive. Try to reframe these in your head. Don’t be anxious because you might never know the answer, let yourself be freed by the fact that you don’t have to do anything about it. All those things you mentioned are really awe inspiring. Things to wonder and imagine. That could be a positive thing in your life, part of the great mysteries of humanity, not something to be upset about.

    Focus on the things in your life that you can control. You can study, practice music, write stories, etc. So many many things you can control, so don’t be upset about what you can’t. Be happy with what you can.

    Maybe you could directly transform your anxiety into creativity here. If you’re so consumed by these things, write a short sci-fi story about if the world was a simulation, etc. There’s a reason why people with anxiety or ADHD tend to be creative. Just an idea.






  • I feel like you can easily find counterexamples that aren’t ironic, so this argument doesn’t make sense.

    “It’s like rain on your wedding day” - This is not irony. Weddings are planned months, sometimes years in advance. There wouldn’t be an expectation that it couldn’t rain on your wedding day, that’s an understood possibility.

    Because it’s an understood possibility that it can rain on your wedding day, it’s not ironic if it does happen, it’s just unfortunate.

    An example that would be ironic, is if you are planning a hiking trip and you specifically go on Saturday because the weather forecasted it to be sunny, but it ended up raining anyway. That’s ironic because expectation does not meet reality.