I will not be food for monsters. If their blade finds my flesh, may they drown in my blood

so this has got me looking at alternative OSs, but it’s all a bit confusing. which one is most mature and would still let me run android apps (I want my bank apps and stuff like that) but is also somewhat de-googled? I appreciate any advice

sooooo… is my Stanley Tucci Greenpan pan gonna kill me? article didn’t divulge the saucy details