Yeah, i agree that could be helpful, but if OP is already feeling like they’re not able to do what they want to then it may be a stretch to add (and coordinate their, their partner’s, both parties’ work if in the US, and potentially a sitter’s schedules) may be asking too much.
At that age, there is almost certainly a lot of exhaustion (which doesn’t do great things for apathy itself) so I’m sure thats a part of it.
For me it did get better but that thought (that I was never fully on board) may always be in the back of your mind.
We have 2. I was mostly up for it the first time but still had a lot of time in the first few months (for both kids) where, if I were typing my experience out, I also would have had to reassure people I was not violent. Very shortly after our second was born I got a vasectomy, which gave me some peace of mind.
The first 3 months were really rough for me, and then the next 3 were a little easier, and after 6 months they become humans and are a bit more interesting. Around a year when they start walking, and especially when they start talking a bit later it can be a lot of fun. But not all of it; there will still be incredibly frustrating moments where you’ll wonder why you got into it at all (which is obviously true of nearly anything).
So it does get better, especially once they get beyond the potato stage, and right now you just have to keep them - and yourself - alive (which isn’t too difficult, thankfully).
Then follow the third, undrawn track (I find a lot of Christian questions come with false dichotomies): let the church die out (ETA if those are the only two other options… I realize where I am).
We can say queer people deserve to be treated humanely AND women deserve to be treated humanely. It’s not either/or.