• 0 Posts
  • 5 Comments
Joined 7 days ago
cake
Cake day: July 24th, 2025

help-circle



  • laz@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoLemmy Shitpost@lemmy.worldworkflow
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    21
    ·
    edit-2
    4 days ago

    To: All Staff

    From: HR

    Subject: EXCITING new partnership!

    Team, we’ve been reviewing some of history’s most successful large-scale projects for inspiration, and the data is clear! The absolute best results came from teams who believed their CEO was literally a god.

    While we can’t quite arrange that, we’ve found the next best thing!

    After a productive meeting, we’ve received a special clarification directly from the Vatican! Turns out, Colossians 3:23 (“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord”) is now considered binding corporate policy.

    So, effective immediately, hitting your quarterly goals is a direct path to salvation. Slacking off… well, let’s just say the paperwork for eternal damnation is a real hassle for everyone involved.

    Let’s get to work, saints!