Dawn

I feel seen O.O

Had the same from a very good friend… I guess it’s because queer cis people feel very legitimate to have hot takes on gender roles because of the violence they may have gone through (especially cis lesbians), so they may not fully think through what they are saying. I don’t know about your friend, but I feel it can change with time and education.

Soo I think my questioning phase is kinda over ! I think I’m fully accepting my identity as trans woman, just following the euphoria where it leads me !

I just can’t wait to try girl clothes, I will order them next month and will spend more time with a queer friend so she can teach me makeup. The look I’m going for is kinda “casual goth”, like doc martens, black dress/metal tshirt with a skirt and a few (seemingly) golden jewelry. I already have tatoos lmao. But I don’t know if that’ll be a good look, I’ll see !

My first experience with a sport bra was kinda meh. It was complicated to put on and doesn’t really do anything for me in terms of dysphoria/euphoria. I guess that may come with girl clothes and makeup to “complete the look”. As opposed to mascara, nail polish and blue lenses (for some reason !). But the nail polish… oh god what a catastrophy. I’m all shaky and putting polish all over my fingers. And sadly, I’m completely incapable of using my blue lenses which really help with my dysphoria.

I’m training my voice too and try to speak with a softer voice with my roomates (which are accepting and very cool). I’m not comfortable with using the full-on girl voice without a woman outfit though, just shy and dysphoric I guess.

BUT, in other news, CW: bad family

My brother called me for help because he just couldn’t stomach my father’s behavior anymore. I always thought I was crazy, like other “adults” told me when I complained. But having my little brother describing exactly how I felt for years was a wake up call and I had to get him out of here. So, I spent the weekend helping him, reassuring him, helping him find an appartment (which I will pay for so he can be independant from my parents). This all culminated with a call to my aunt because we both were like “are we crazy ? are we just making it all up ? Are we just ungrateful children ?” and we needed an ally in the family. Thankfully she was 100% on our side and he will live at her house while searching for an appartment.

Now I can finally disappear from this family, which is actually a relief and means I can go through the transition process with more peace of mind. I just blocked my father and will hope my mom gets out of there. But as my aunt said “just forget about it all, live your life”. So, I will. My steps are a bit shaky for now though. My determination will come back in time.

Ooof sorry I needed to vent and put that all in writing. How’s my week been ? Intense.

Yeah are we

Thank you for your answer :)

I have read that any trans person is confronted with some kind of impostor syndrom at some point, your anecdote proves that to be true ! I do feel like I trick people/myself at times because I don’t feel 100% dysphoria all the time, although I do feel euphoria almost always when I picture myself as a woman. I’ve read that it’s normal, feelings come and go… I suppose since I’m feeling confused, I’m looking for some certainty somewhere :P

See you next week I guess haha I think it’s cool to talk about it in this thread, even to put words on how I feel

Questionning, i guess ? Sorry if I’m being confusing, it’s just that I’m confused… This is all new to me .-.

To put some context I live with roomates and although I told them I might experiment some things like makeup, it still takes some “social effort” to really do it. Like dressing up, I wouldn’t know where and how to start…

On top of that, I still have some kind of impostor syndrom for some reason. The dissonance is tyring, so I just lie in bed, try to read frieren and play caves of qud

It was ok, i just feel I’m not making much progress on my questionning like previous weeks. At times I feel like my transition is miles away, or like a fantasy. But I imagine myself as a girl and i feel strong gender euphoria so… I guess i’m making steps in the right direction. I just don’t know what to do next.

I ordered makeup on amazon tho, can’t wait to try it

Please take this love and support ❤❤❤

I’m questionning and told a fren. I didn’t want to talk about it but we kept going around it while talking about my recent life so I told him. He said “woaaah i never thought” and everytime someone says that it hurts a bit because the road seems soooo long .-.

He was really nice about it tho

My roomates are very supportive too but acted awkward at first