its been 5 years.
fuck.
I’ve wanted to transition for a 4th of my life now and I still don’t have enough control over my life to be me.
i would probably hate myself so much less if i had started hrt and transitioning when i wanted to.
rant over ill probably delete this post i just needed to vent im sorry
It’s never too late. You’re very young. Your happiness is worth it. And if you’re waiting for your life to be perfect to transition, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Dysphoria causes distress, and it makes it that much harder to succeed in other areas of your life.
When I was seeking bottom surgery I was gatekept a lot for not having great mental health. Needless to say, bottom dysphoria was a significant contributing factor to my poor mental health. I am healthier than I have ever been post op.
What I’m really trying to say by that is that you deserve to feel joy about your body and your gender presentation. You shouldn’t hold yourself back. Forcing yourself to exist in a body and presentation that causes you distress has a huge impact on your well-being.
It’s hard to overstate this, before I transitioned I thought transitioning was selfish and mostly a way for me to finally wear women’s clothes outside my house, etc. - I focused on the social and personal benefits, which were small compared to the risks.
But the reality is that testosterone was destroying my mind and made me a completely miserable, dysfunctional person. I didn’t transition because I finally could prioritize what I thought was a trivial desire to be a woman, but because I learned it could be the cause of a lot of my mental health problems. I realize now that testosterone was wrecking my life and I was hurting the people I love.
Now I realize transition is more medically necessary than I could have understood (or more importantly, been willing to believe). I still, even now, have a hard time believing this, and I regularly doubt my experience.