ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
Maybe people who don’t like “wait for it”, “read the whole thing”, or “watch to the end”.
Don’t tell me to do it, tell me why I should do it.